I just want her to come home!

[Nomopo]

You are doing so well. Pumped up about your focus on DR. And keep searching those memory banks. Things will start to come back to you. I also drew blanks, but slowly, I have remembered very helpful stuff. And that process is still happening.

You handled the grocery exchange beautifully. Don't let the independence talk get you down. It really is to be expected. She cannot just abandon the WA mentality overnight. But your W seems to be moving that way (despite her other personal issues) pretty darn quickly.

On the MIL issue, I think you handled it pretty well. Not knowing your ILs, here is how I would handle it (and did with my MIL - FIL is deceased). I wanted MIL to know that I wanted very badly to save the M, that I still loved W, that I realized I had made mistakes in the past and that I was focusing on me to change me because I can only control me and not my W. I also told MIL that I thought W was confused about some things, but that I thought her feelings were genuine, and that I realized she needed time and space to figure things out for herself. I told MIL that I knew I couldn't change W's mind by arguing or talking or explaining, and that if I tried it would push her away. I also said that I thought W's family should try to be there for W and support her, and not try to talk her into any thing because I thought that too would push W away from me. I suggested the most she might be able to do was to be there if and when W approached her for help or to listen, and then perhaps to guide W's thought process by posing questions or things simply for W to consider (eg, that all M have trouble). MIL suggested she was going to remind W of her vows. I didn't try to dissuade her then (but might now). Not sure I MIL did this or, if so, how it went. I told MIL, finally, that I loved her and her family, and that I sincerely appreciated her concern and support. I also added that if W thought MIL and I were "conspiring" to change W's mind, it would be devastating.

Maybe some of that can help you decide how to talk to your MIL. Given your W's reaction to the last convo with MIL, and the fct she hasn't returned calls for a week and a half, I doubt MIL is the best person to help W with her current crisis. If you want someone else to also be there for W, who are the other options? If it's just you, there might be advantages to that for your sitch. Of course, getting your W the help/support she really needs is more important and may involve getting her a bigger support network.

Hope that helps,
Nomo