exactly. That is exactly what it is. We go round and round. He wants me to need him and to ask him to do things, but then he can't be depended on to do anything I need or ask or even anything he might think I need or want.
But I'm sticking to my initial thought. I'm not doing anything or saying anything to him about being fed up and ready to be over until after I get back from Colorado- the second time.
My new idea is to write H a letter and giv it to him before we leave on saturday. Hand written not typed. Kind of a Dear John, but not really.
A letter that just says I like where I am with myself right now. I've worked on myself. I like being with him, but I'm tired of nothing happening unless I initiate. Telling him that I can no longer be a weekend wife/sex partner. That I'm no longer happy with the status quo. I feel empty. It's not enough for me anymore. That he can continue to take his time and think things over- I have no problem with that. But I can't keep waiting. Two years is long enough and I'm ready for a future. I'll tell him that we can either talk when I get back or he can continue to put things off and avoid a conversation, in which case, I will be filing.
Thoughts. Anyone talk me out of it? different wording? Things to add? Take out?
Sox, darlin... It's ok to tell him how your feeling about things. Just leave out the whole if you avoid I will be filing. Just do it, if he doesnt talk when you get back and discuss that then file. If he wants more he will tell you after you file if that is truly what you want to do.
If you are only talking divorce to scare him and you dont mean it, then you need to totally rethink how you want him to handle the letter. This is basic babe, you know better.......
nope. NOt doing it to scare him. I'm really ready to be done with the whole thing if he can't make a decision. I want a house, a Doctorate, a life. Either he's in it or he's not. He needs to decide.
I hate to push him, but I can't wait forever for him to come to me- and that's what it will be.
I thought with the letter, then I'll be gone for 8 days- no phone, he'll just have himself and time to think about what he really wants. If he still can't decide, then I"m truly ready to be done.
May I ask a question? What happened to make you go from not wanting to talk about it until you get back to wanting to do it right now? Maybe you could write the letter, but hold on to it to give yourself a few more days to think about it. If you want to send it while you're on vacation, just mail it. I hope I'm not overstepping here, I just read the change and noticed it happened over a fairly short time period.
Good luck!
Me: 28 H: 29 Married 5 yrs Two sweet and ornery little ones 4 and 2.5
What changed is that I figured that while I am away- without contact he has a week to mull over what I've said- To truly be without me, no contact, no calls, no emails, nothing for 8 days.
If I wait, then I feel like I've sprung it on him and now I'm home after thinking and he has to all of a sudden be put on the spot.
Does that make sense?
Plus in the past week, we've seen each other 3 times, and he's been an ass all three times.
Tonight no difference. I stopped by H's house and was making small talk while I waited for the kids to get their things together for the trip. Small talk led to the Harry Potter book party tomorrow that the kids and I are going to in order to get our book. That led H to inform me that he read the ending on line and then proceeded to tell me who dies. Such an ass. I got up, and walked out of the house, closed the door behind me and drove away (with the kids of course). H called twice and I ignored the phone both times.
I am tired of dealing with his decisions to be an inconsiderate ass and it's time I've should him that over the 2 years I have changed and instead of internalizing things, I am going to be forth right and tell him.
It's his choice to be an ass and it's my choice to let him know before I go that I"ve had enough and will not be sticking around for added shows.
Sox, Flipped through your sitch for the first time, looks to me like you've been extremely patient with your H. Not to be too crude, but it seems like he needs to $hit or get off the pot.
I would be furious if someone told me who died in the last Harry Potter book. That's just plain stupid.
I'm not an expert on your sitch, but could your H be worried about being left behind/not able to keep up with you? You've got a Masters, I'm assuming. Maybe he's been intimidated and worried over all this time and he's acting childish to get your attention. I'm going to guess that this isn't a brilliant observation and it's been hashed over already, but one never knows. On the other hand, he might just be an inconsiderate a$$ as someone said.
After all of this time, if you feel like writing a letter is the final effort, you're probably right. I would leave off the "I'm going to file" part. Unless your H is totally clueless, he should be able to read between the lines.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
