Sounds like you did him a favor. You grounded him. I needed my husband to do that for me when I was young. You can waste a lot of time and energy going in circles.
I can wait for my husband to find out who he is. I just can't keep hurting along the way.
I can picture him, an image in the future who he "could" be, with time, patience, and no doubt a struggle. I don't know if he can get there. That is not up to me.
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
I have no problem with "Submission" (the biblical definition, I tried to practice that daily in my marriage).
But, if it is truly marital submission, why he agrees to my requests, then he better darn well SUBMIT when I tell him that divorce is NOT THE ANSWER!!!!!
He is not "tough" meaning he avoids any and all confrontation. I have read that that is the biggest indicator towards a couple that will divorce. A spouse that will go through any and every length to AVOID confrontation.
He will lie, run away, hide and wall up in denial in order to avoid confrontation.
He thinks by being agreeable, coming to the retreat, sitting through counseling for 60 more days that I will agree to a dissolution afterwards. If it is pleasant, quiet, non-confrontational, he can get through it, smile all the while, and walk away with the easiest, most amicable divorce on the planet. No tears, no drama.
He's in for a big shock.
He's a comin' to a gunfight with a knife, as we say in these parts.
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
Well, let's keep praying for a break-through this weekend. There may be a human somewhere in that hard physique. If you get it, then you do need to do the post sessions. The people who say Retrouvaille did not work for them all discontinued the post sessions. Just do them in August in your area.
I am trying to go into this showing him that the 3 hour ride to get there will be FUN. I will drive, he can sleep. I have made a few CD's of all the old 1980's music he loves. I KNOW his 20-something gym bunnies are NOT into his favorite 80's music, what they were, umm, six years old back then?
Just me, in the car, singing away, smiling, not talking.
I have 60 more days to "work on him". Somewhere in that time I hope to get him back to the post sessions. He also agreed to see the MC weekly too. I've got a game plan.
IF all else fails this weekend. I am going dark. Way scary dark. Shutting down the email account he has access to, moving the dogs to a kennel and taking the horses with me to Texas where I am doing a 1 month veterinary internship. No contact = no contact.
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
Whoa! Now you're scaring me too. It won't fail this weekend. You may not get everything you want, but you'll make more headway than with the counselor. You'll get him talking, or writing. My husband stopped writing at one point and a presenter went over to him and told him to pick up the pen and write more. He wrote drivel that time, but he got the message. After that I got longer letters.
Just wanted to pop in and find you to see how you are doing these days? Have you managed to bury the demon thoughts about your H and his R with OW?
I was curious as if you remember I had problems with worries about my H's commitment and being able to learn to trust again.
I have found being on these boards a great source of help and inspiration and it is gradually helping my healing process; although I will always have a problem with OW I have come to realise.
How are you doing?
Thinking of you often
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
