Afraid husband might slip into character, the cowardly, fearful type who'd rather slink away, "buy" his way out of marriage and hope he can live with himself afterwards. Life in denial.
Cowgirl here has already realized she needs to pull herself up by her own bootstraps. And what good boots they are . . . ..
Wow, my H sounds a lot like yours. I thought he was a tough guy. He never backed down. In reality, he is a coward. He actually up and left me and our horse farm that we built from the ground up. He ran to the area where the OW lived as fast as he possibly could, so he didn't have to deal with how he screwed up his life. He definately went backwards, and I am left to pick up the pieces and maintain our farm. It's a rough life, but we will get through this.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Um, yeah, me too. Am STILL building the horse farm, from the ground up! Just finished putting the footing in the indoor arena. Felt like I was throwing good money after bad. Had to have a stiff drink last night.
Did we marry the same man? Email me!
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
Maybe that tough guy routine is covering up for a lot of cowardice and insecurities. I heard my H needs to find a way home without losing face. WTH? I am the one who should feel humiliated and he needs a way to save face?
Ponygirl, I hope you hang on to true hope. My friend said she was wary of the outcome of the marriage weekend workshop. She said her husband came back a changed man, but she thought he would revert back to his old ways. After 18 months he is still a brand new husband. She is keeping her eyes open, but so far, so good. I wish my H had enough care in his heart to go. My mom says that she can tell he does not even love me 10%. She said I would be able to work with 20% , but 10% , no. Sad face.
Last edited by mkultra; 07/10/0708:38 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
No sad face, mkultra! My husband has 0% desire for this marriage. Has zero love for me, so he says (and I see it). But he said he would attend the retreat, for ME. I don't care how I get him there, I just want him there. Maybe something will speak to him and that door will crack open just a little bit.
He is NOT a tough guy, very much a self-admitted coward an totally insecure. No tough guy would wait for his wife to "get a clue" and "come along for the ride" to dissolution, knowing full well she does not agree. A tough guy would file for divorce.
No tough guy would go to a three day retreat, just 'cuz his wife TOLD him he had to go. If he were tough (and DONE) he'd not go.
I am hoping he is not JUST a wimp and a coward, that these actions show that there is just a teensy bit of doubt in him.
I am SCARED. I am trying to call his bluff, knowing he is insecure. I almost think I know him well enough to STAND and say "No" even if he asks for a divorce. My strength might scare him enough to not do anything. If I roll over on my back and go along with him, he will proceed. But I wonder what happens if I fight for our marriage. . . . .
Give me the hope, the strength to stand up and fight. I am losing steam . .
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
No sad face, mkultra! My husband has 0% desire for this marriage. Has zero love for me, so he says (and I see it). But he said he would attend the retreat, for ME. I don't care how I get him there, I just want him there. Maybe something will speak to him and that door will crack open just a little bit.
He is NOT a tough guy, very much a self-admitted coward an totally insecure. No tough guy would wait for his wife to "get a clue" and "come along for the ride" to dissolution, knowing full well she does not agree. A tough guy would file for divorce.
No tough guy would go to a three day retreat, just 'cuz his wife TOLD him he had to go. If he were tough (and DONE) he'd not go.
I am hoping he is not JUST a wimp and a coward, that these actions show that there is just a teensy bit of doubt in him.
I am SCARED. I am trying to call his bluff, knowing he is insecure. I almost think I know him well enough to STAND and say "No" even if he asks for a divorce. My strength might scare him enough to not do anything. If I roll over on my back and go along with him, he will proceed. But I wonder what happens if I fight for our marriage. . . . .
Give me the hope, the strength to stand up and fight. I am losing steam . .
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
I need to clairfy my double negative. What you report on your H's activities seems to indicate a lack a forditude however to frame your discussion what do you consider tough minded actions? Apologize if I confused you.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Limbo sucks. Imagine where you will be in 20 years. Do you really see yourself growing old with him? ( I know you will not be old in 20 years since you are so young...) If that is something you can visualize, if that vision makes you feel serenity, then you need to fight, fight , fight for your marriage even if it means stepping back and waiting. Gosh, I hate limbo. My H and I were apart for almost 9 years. I never thought I would take him back after such a loooong hiatus of being platonic, but he said we always belonged together. I hope this is just another bump, but that it will not take another ten years for us to stop being stupidly apart. Even if things do not seem to be "fixed" after the weekend, the seeds will be planted. You don't even have to be irresistable, just be yourself. He knows you, he just does not know himself.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
My H never "found" himself. He went from job to job, college major to major. I think I forced him into adulthood: marriage, college, job with benefits, babies, mortgage, suburbs, family business, etc.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
