Gone Dancin's Dilemma, 2

[Gone Dancin']

You are all such great help -- I don't know what I'd do without you (sniff, sniff)!

Thanks Cupcake!

It is interesting what you said about your ex-fiance. However, I think it is more common for WA men than WA women to want to come back -- do you agree with me on this?

However, the story does boost the PMA and makes me want to give it a go. I mean, why the hell not, right? I figure that if she turns me down, I would also tell her that I wouldn't be opposed to working on it sometime down the road if her R with OM doesn't pan out. That we could take it nice and slow with a clean slate, no expectations, strings attached, etc. Tell her that all she would have to do is let me know if she ever wanted to give that a go, and I would be all ears. Of course, I will have to say all of this with an upbeat, happy, and confident attitude. Don't know if I should add anything like "as long as I haven't moved on" into it though. Thoughts on all of this?

My point is, why not take the chance? What's the worst that could happen? You get a D?

I guess I'm just concerned about pushing and thereby delaying any possible reconciliation. I know I shouldn't, but that has been my frame of mind. I'll stop doing that -- I know Michele says don't worry about making mistakes.

I agree w/ CVA & Nomo, keep up the WOA (the kids provide an excellent opportunity, like Nomo says). No pressure (;-/), just don't lose your cool at all during the next few weeks.

sunny -- could you elaborate on what you mean by "lose my cool," just so I'm sure about what you're saying?

I can see how far you've come just in the last few months..turn some of that charm her way & go dark/grey afterwards if you have to.

What charm? I'm not sure what that would be either. I don't believe I have any "charm". Dang I need help!

You don't mention what effect the Dui's had on her, I'm betting they caused a lot of anguish & if she doesn't show much emotion, you'd never really know.

Ever since I had my bout with depression over my mom dying back in 2000 and drank heavily for a spell, my drinking has been a huge issue with her. Even 6 yrs later, me just having one beer put her on edge, because she never knew what she was going to get from me. One false step (could be something completely okay, too) and I might fly off the handle. My last DUI prior to this one was in April 2001, which helped me to calm down and pretty much stop drinking altogether.

When I got my recent one, I was rarely going out and drinking. I NEVER drink at home, and only ever did on a Fri/Sat night with friends when I didn't have to have the kids the next morning. My friend whose fiance is good friends and works with my wife (and in the same dept as OM), said that when they watched my arrest on the news back in March, he saw my W's jaw drop and tears well up in her eyes. I don't know what this all meant and the reasons behind her being upset, and don't know if I ever will. But I do know that she wasn't mean about it -- didn't belittle me or put me down, scoff at me and my actions, etc. I guess that counts for something.

I also know that early in the sep that W had mentioned to them that she was really surprised at the way I had behaved and how I had helped her out, and never thought I would do all of that for her. I also know that when I went really dark for a good 2-3 months, she actually asked my friend if I was dating (still not sure if this was to find out whether or not she could begin dating OM or not -- don't know the motivation behind this one).

Show her as much of the new/improved/responsible/strong man you have become.

HOW?!?! I don't have any opportunities to!!!

I still don't think the OM is an issue, just a gut feeling o/c.

I wish your "gut" had some reasons to back it up!

Thanks for your help, Dr. Sunny -- if you could help me out with the above questions and statements stemming from you last post, it would be much appreciated.

BTW, what are you charging by the hour?

GD