WHat about this recent threat?? He is much bigger than me and I can see him kicking me out of the bedroom. Oh I don't know physically I dont have the man power. All he has to do is pick me up and put me to the side and get all my things out.
He better not pull that BS! I might not be big, but I carry a big stick (just like old Teddy R suggested)!
If he gets physical, are you comfortable with calling the police? That would be my suggestion. You shouldn't have to put up with that and he shouldn't EVER feel like manhandling you simply because he is bigger and can is okay or justified in any way.
It sucks that this is even a concern you are dealing with.
I'm impatient too. I thought that my pregnancies should only be about 3 months long I'm that impatient!!!
I had a father with major anger and alcohol problems and it made me quite scared of conflict and men. Even so I managed to get addicted to something myself - prescription meds - and they changed my character. I know how hard it is to take a good long look at oneself and not like what you see much. To then try to reach out from that dark hole one has sunk into is so very hard, when not only have you hurt and distanced those around you, but you also can no longer see one's own self worth. I realised before I found out about my H's affair that things were badly, deeply, wrong in our marriage, but it was finding out about my H's A that was the shock that made my turn around happen. I am gradually coming off the meds and my H says it is like rediscovering me - he feels he is getting the original W back. It continues to be a hard journey and I feel that I have to prove the whole time, (to myself as much as him), that I HAVE CHANGED. His A was probably a good thing in that he has changes to make and things to work on aswell. We were lucky in that we nipped it in the nick of time, before we lost each other forever. Before we broke our four childrens' home up.
I'm telling you this to try and explain why I respect where you are coming from and what you have shared of yourself. I truly hope your W gets to see and BELIEVE what you have done and gives you a chance at reconciliation.
Yours admiringly
Saffie ps. sorry Chicki to have jumped in there for a moment. I'll shut up now!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Wow, I must say that I have equal admiration for you too. Yea for us, eh! I'm glad that H has recognized this in you and that the two of you are piecing (is that correct?). If you don't mind me asking, when did you discover the A and how long had it gone on and did it last? Also, did you guys separate? If so, for how long? I love to hear about success stories in the making, so if you're okay with disclosing the info I'd be grateful. If not, no worries.
I've only got a little over a month before the D is final, so my time has run pretty short. I'm sure the D will go through, but I won't give up until she is happily married to someone else! If I can't be with her, I'm not even sure I would want another R/M. I've finally got used to being on my own again, and it really isn't as bad as I thought it was!
Chicki Unless he is a bigger Ahole than you describe, I dont think his intention is to throw you out. His problem is he is now out of "control" and wants to exert some of that back. TO diffuse, you could just step aside and agree, would that kill you mentally? It may diffuse him completely?
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Sorry Chicki - I will shut up after this. Just wanted to answer GD's questions.
My H told me about the A. I had been going to see a Clinical Psychologist to learn about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as I knew things were not right in my M and that the way I behaved toward my H was not comfortable. I found that he was no longer my BF and that I would rather confide in my girlfriends about anything and every thing rather than talk to H. I was very defensive with him all the time, expecting conflict and so always evasive. I ran the finances etc. even tho' I was a stay at home mum and felt I had to control everything. I think I was like this because I had seen that my dad had controlled my mum and had trapped her for many years in a relationship where she was verbally abused. I wanted to make sure I had the control and that the same thing couldn't happen to me.
Through the help I was getting from the Psychologist I got to the point where I wanted to 'come clean' to my H about all my feelings and about how much I missed him. I was too scared to talk to him directly so the CP got me to send my husband an email which he could read and would then have time to digest and think about before talking to me about it.
I expected to be waiting about 5hrs before he came back with a reaction; it was three days. In those three days we existed together but hardly talked.
Finally my H came and told me about the A as a way to start the conversation!!! It had been going on 18 months but they were intimate only about 5 times. He had the A he said because he thought I didn't love him anymore. He thought I loved my horse more than him - and up until he told me about the A I probably did!!!! It's funny what can make you suddenly realise what is really important.
We had a week of complete rollercoaster times. I was nearly committed as I was self harming very badly - something I deeply regret as my children saw things they never should have.
Strangely my H gave me his mobile with the OW's tel no. ready to dial. I can't remember what I said to her to this day but she never went back to his Co. He did say he wanted a few months of being with both her and me so he could decide who he wanted to be with. I wouldn't even consider that and by then the OW had left her H and children and was expecting my H to commit to her. He didn't. So he never actually left home, ( and over the intervening months I have asked him to as I have swung back and forth emotionally).
June 15th 2006 was the last time he slept with OW - my youngest D's 8th B'day. July 4th 2006 was when he told me about the affair. Ten days ago was when, completely unprompted, he told me that he had never loved the OW and that he had just been filling the void that was the gap between us. I REALLY needed to hear that he had never loved OW. The journey now is still long, probably life long. I have learnt many things but am also worried by the amount of things I still need to learn/find. Forgiveness is one. Forgiveness for myself mainly but also for the hurt that we have both caused one another and our children. I did think when I first came to this board that i needed to forgive OW to be able to move on, but now I do not believe that. I am gradually becoming more to believe that I will never forgive her and that that isn't important. Why should I try to forgive a woman that apparently went out of her way to seduce my H and wreck my marriage. It wasn't in great shape but she sure didn't help things along!!! I can't forgive that but I can thank her for showing my how important my H was to me before I lost him.
Hope that all makes sense.
You know, my parents split up the day after my 8th b'day, (due to my dad's problems), BUT THEY ARE TOGETHER AGAIN NOW AND NEVER REALLY LOST THEIR CONNECTION. It took about 7 yrs for them to realise just how much they really did mean to each other but they always kept in contact. Don't give up hope
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
What is wrong with me? Last night I had the perfect opportunity to do my best DB'ng & I did nothing & I totally acted how I felt (numb & not interested). I dont know if its b/c of the hurtful things he said yesturday or it's my detaching mode,but I am starting to enjoy life w/out him once more. Now that he is threatening to come back home ,I am not so sure Iam ready or want him for right now. H came by lastnite for his reg days to see the girls & normally he would take them out for dinner and no longer would he hag around, so I did not cook. My SIL had one of the girls & I guess H called her & he picked her up from her. I mentioned to SIL that I had to come back(it was late) & see what I could defrost for dinner & so I she told H I was cooking. It was so late I really did not feel up to it & H was not going to take the girls out after all, he wanted to hang around for a while. H said I thought you were cooking (as he searched for something to snack on). I waited to see if he would take them out as I said well dont u normally take them out for dinner (was hoping for some me alone time),but no such luck. H turned on his big screen tv (which BTW he had previously hid the remote from me on purpose & the girls were asking him where it was b/c mommy was looking for it). After I fed the girls H was on the couch on his lap top so I went to my room and got on my computer just waiitng for the girls to finish & for him otput them to bed so I could get on this website. H called me out to the LR to show me some stuff on his lap top, was being kind & small talk considering our ealrier alteration. After he put the girls to bed hecame in to say goodbye & said Well since your on the cumputer I guess I will leave ( I took it as a hint,hint 4 me ?maybe he wanted to talk or was waiting since I had mention us needing to talk,but that is one of our promblem each of us waites on the other to start & neither get anywhere)!He leaned over for me to give him a kiss on the cheek & just as he was about to leave he murmured oh well let me go and be miserable??? IS he hinting he is miserable w/ her as he was going back to her place?? Anyho...I ignored the comment...AH!! I know perfect opportunity & I just let it slip awawy....I was not up to it. no R talk to nothing...I wanted to be alone & could not wait 4 him to leave....
Do you men have a radar that goes off just when we are letting go or doing fine on our own???? H does this all the time trys to pull me back or acts inteested when I'am that into the whole thing anymore
sorry just rambling gathering my thoughts here..one of those I dont know days...... ya know we all get them
It's funny you say that b/c it reminded that many years ago when H & I went for our first marital counseling w/ our pastor & pastor didn't really know him that well) BUT the pastor is very good at "reading" people, he told us that H was the kind of person who needed constant loving, lots & lots of it & I was the exact opposite. I guess this is where the constant positive reinforcement helps to make him feel loved.
It's funny you say that b/c it reminded that many years ago when H & I went for our first marital counseling w/ our pastor & pastor didn't really know him that well) BUT the pastor is very good at "reading" people, he told us that H was the kind of person who needed constant loving, lots & lots of it & I was the exact opposite. I guess this is where the constant positive reinforcement helps to make him feel loved.
