I am sorry to hear how your fourth went and your daughters. Your H has some nerve. They clearly aren't thinking, as far as I know my H is still planning on moving in with OW. I truly don't understand all of this. I mean one minute they want a family and the next they are throwing it all away. Well, the only thing you can keep doing is focus on yourself and your girls. I know it is hard, but it will get better. Remember, we are all here for you and we understand you.
I don't think that there's any way for us to know what they're thinking--or any way for us to know if we've reached them. If we knew for sure, it might NOT be something we could handle right now. What does a brain look like when it's given over completely to pleasure-seeking, and scheming, and telling whoppers, and sneaking out of every responsibility, and living on boats, and giving up everything decent? Wish I could see the different lobes light up. Thinking of doing an experiment...
I bet it is very tiny and very dark. I think you should do the experiement, there is plenty of subjects to work with available!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hmmm....the fiasco of the laundry room. Sounds like a chapter in a cheesy novel.
Let me be blunt:
1. Don't ask your daughters to speak to their father for you. That's a cop out and puts them in an unfair position of being go-betweens. If you need/want something from him, ask him yourself. Even though they know he's a scum-bucket, you don't want to act out at your husband THOUGH them. You are not a helpless shrinking violet.
2. You don't need to tell him he ruined his family and that he's a scum-sucking a$$hole. This will go in one ear and out the other. Or, it just confirms in his twisted MLC mind that you are the hurt, whining, hysterical, guilt-inducing shrew he was trying to escape from. He will feel the consequences of his actions. Give it time. It'll happen eventually, when the guilt hits him like an express train. Or if it doesn't hit him in this life, he'll have to face his Maker and Judge. But don't let it come from you. Release him into the hands of God, who judges justly.
3. If he cared about his girls, he wouldn't be doing this. Right now, all he cares about are his adolescent FEELINGS. In his state, the only thing
Hmmm....the fiasco of the laundry room. Sounds like a chapter in a cheesy novel.
Let me be blunt:
1. Don't ask your daughters to speak to their father for you. That's a cop out and puts them in an unfair position of being go-betweens. If you need/want something from him, ask him yourself. Even though they know he's a scum-bucket, you don't want to act out at your husband THOUGH them. You are not a helpless shrinking violet.
2. You don't need to tell him he ruined his family and that he's a scum-sucking a$$hole. This will go in one ear and out the other. Or, it just confirms in his twisted MLC mind that you are the hurt, whining, hysterical, guilt-inducing shrew he was trying to escape from. He will feel the consequences of his actions. Give it time. It'll happen eventually, when the guilt hits him like an express train. Or if it doesn't hit him in this life, he'll have to face his Maker and Judge. But don't let it come from you. Release him into the hands of God, who judges justly.
3. If he cared about his girls, he wouldn't be doing this. Right now, all he cares about are his adolescent FEELINGS. In his state, the only thing he can offer them is financial support. Ensure that happens. Make sure your settlement is fair. That's how he can love them now. You are their emotional and spiritual rock. I may be out of line, but they don't really need a father who is living in a fog of narcissism. Look...here are the facts: the damage to your kids is already done, both daughters have their image of marriage tarnished, and your younger one will seek approval from her boyfriends because her father abandoned her. Don't force her relationship with her father now. Do you want her to admire a man who treats his wife like sh*t? Do you want her to think it's OK to ditch your marriage? Let jer develop her own relationship with him. If she wants to be pissed at him, let her. He doesn't care. If he saw your daughters once a month, he'd be OK with it RIGHT NOW in his mental FOG. IF he stays like this the rest of his life...well good riddance.
Time after time Theoden you you prove what a wise man you are. If you are not in the counseling business you missed your calling. Thanks for reaffirming what I know, but choose to ignore sometimes.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
You should start up a new thread asking for those of us willing to put up our H's and W's for your experiments. Even better, perhaps we can put up their OW/OM for some experimentation aswell.........ooooooh, that makes me feel better just thinking about it. I am going to dream about that tonight.....what experiments you could conduct on my H's OW, (coz if y'all remember I have a real big problem stopping fixating on her!!!). All eperimenataion ideas welcome......
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Now that's something I wouldn't want to sleep on. I'm trying to think only sweet thoughts before going to bed, but the unnatural strain of it is putting me over the edge. Plus, DD3 was up all night thinking there was a spider in her room, and I kept having to go in there with a flashlight and prove to her that there wasn't. How any kid who collects race cars and keeps saying "I'm a boy--I AM A BOY!!!" could get all girly screechy about an imaginary spider...I'll never know.
H used to excel at this kind of spider-chasing. He was endlessly patient. Now he's in Mexico with OW, and I'm trying so very hard to hope he DOESN'T get violently ill from the water. I've got to remember that his business is no longer mine. Nevertheless, Mexico can be a pretty scary place...a lot of things could happen there....just had this sort of pleasant image of H being offered up as a virgin sacrifice at the sacred temple of the sun god. A sacrifice unpleasing to the sun god, I think.
(((Yoyo)))--How's today? Actually, you sound a lot better after getting read the riot act!
These experiments that you are going to conduct Delia, think a electric catttle prod might come in handy? If so I have two guinea pigs I'll send your way!
I'm doing better, I just slipped yesterday. I've been at the angry stage and I do better staying there until divorce is taken care of.
I called someone to come look at problem in the laundry room. He said it shouldn't be too hard to fix. Why is it my house is falling apart now? I learned a valuable lesson, don't count on H for anything. I thought he might be interested since this is his daugthers' home, but what do I know.
My youngest daughter will be gone on a church mission trip next week. I will take time to explore doing things for myself... GAL. I will miss her terribly, but I think this will be great for her to get out do things that make her feel good. She has been so protective of me. The night of the wedding I went to I didn't get home until 12:30, whew, did I get the the third degree, ha!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
My X expressed the same sentiment. Last summer she called me over there in the middle of the night and I ended up putting a tarp on the roof in the rain to stop a leak. Maybe I should have said, "Yup, sounds like a problem. You'd better call somebody."
The fact is that there were a lot of little things that I kept up with when I was there, problems that were prevented or nipped in the bud. It is the same with every house.
