Had a good day today, i feel like i am finally getting to the place i need to be emotionally , i guess i am hitting a new level of detachment.
Husband was here earlier visiting D3. I had been asking him for a few weeks to look through some old cards and photo's to see if there was any that he wanted to keep as i was wanting to put them away in the loft. Tonight he finally looked through but only managed to lokk through half of them because he started crying and said that he couldn't look through them anymore, i so badly wanted to put my arms around him to comfort him but i didn't feel that he would want me to. I understood that this was hard and told him that if he ever decided that he wanted to look again that they would be in the loft. I did notice that he only took a few things, a couple of cards from D3, the very first card that i sent him, a card from his dad and a wedding photo of me, husband and the bridesmaids.
Since the start of the divorce proceeding i have noticed a change in relationship between my husband and i. It feels like we are becoming more distant, which is sad. I do have faith that one day my husband will be the good man that he once was, i hope for D3's sake that he is able to look deep within himself and reach that person. I still love my husband deeply and probably in some respects always will but i now know that it is time to let go and let him live his life, the old saying is "If you love something let it go, if it doesn't come back then it was never yours to begin with".
Who knows what the future hold but i am going to make sure that it is a good one for my beautiful little girl , .
Hope evryone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Had a great weekend with D3, yesterday we went to see some friends and then i took her to the park and had ice cream. Today i took her swimming, went to see some more friends and then rented a DVD so we could have a movie afternoon with popcorn .
D3 has missed not seeing husband this weekend, she has only actually spoke to him once all weekend because he phoned too late last night, she was already in bed. Husband sounded hungover this morning.
Hope everyone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Had a great few days, the weather has been really nice today so took D3 to the park and then went round to a friends house so D3 could play in the paddling pool .
On Monday my husband started flirting via text, i could feel myself getting drawn back in and starting down that cheeseless tunnel again. I decided to text my husband and tell him that even though i enjoyed the flirtyness with him, i thought it was innaproriate considering that he had previously told his mum that it did not mean anything to him, i also said that i found it confusing and it was sending me mixed messages while i am trying to move forward. At the end of the text message i said that he could talk to me if he ever felt the need.
My husband was here earlier visiting D3, she was so excited to see him, it has been a week since she last saw him and really missed him. He was pleasant but I think he was tired from work. He had told me a while back that he had booked a long weekend off work for his birthday which is in August, so today i asked him if he would like to have D3 any extra nights that weekend. It turns out that he will not be having her at all because he has booked to go to majorca for the weekend, apparently he is going on his own because he knows a guy out there. I find it odd that he will not be spending his birthday with OW, unless he was not telling me the truth and is going with her. Anyway, i hope he has a good time, he deserves to have a break because he does work long hours. He also told me that he spoke to his Dad the other night, he has not really spoke to him since the bomb, he just said that he dad was being his usual arrogont self.
Hope everyone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
I also agree that it would be good for my husband to go to Majorca on his own, some much needed space for him. Husband and i have been on holiday a couple of times to the resort that he is going to. In fact it is where D3 and i went last month. When i went it brought back memories of when husband and i were there, nice memories .
Nicky
Last edited by nickyf; 07/18/0709:02 PM.
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
I said in my last post that husband was going to Majorca for a long weekend when it is his birthday at the begining of August. When he told me on Wed night, he made it sound like he was going on his own and meeting up with someone there who owns a bed and breakfast place. I know i shouldn't have, but i asked my husband why OW wasn't going, it turns out that OW is going for a week with friends and my husband is meeting them there. For the last few months i have always told myself not to ask husband questions with regard to OW because i probably would not like the answer, and that very thing was true today.
At first i was upset at the thought of husband going to such a lovely place with her, a place where husband and i have been on holiday a couple of times but i have once again soon got over it. I really am at the point where i do not want to get caught up in all the drama. Unfortunatley D3 won't be seeing her Daddy on his birthday to give him his present, so she will have to do it another time. Despite all this i still hope that my husband has a good time, he does deserve the break.
My husband mentioned that his S13 phoned to see if he could come and stay with his dad now the summer holidays are here, he does not see his Dad much. My husband was telling me that it was awkward because he can't just majic money from thin air for the petrol money to go and pick him up but yet as i see it, he is able to afford to go to Majorca with OW. My husband still does not get it, he is still so wrapped up in his own world without regard for how it effetcs people close to him, people that truley do love him.
I have got a friend coming round tonight for a few drinks so i will catch up later .
Hope everyone is ok.
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
For the last few months i have always told myself not to ask husband questions with regard to OW because i probably would not like the answer, and that very thing was true today.
Hi Nicky, I have felt the same way, but I think there are times we ask because it is something we need to know at the time. I think it was very brave of you to ask this question even though you may not have liked the answer. Nicky, you are not one to nag him about his sitch, but I don't think there is anything wrong with "checking in" now and then to see where you stand.
I'm glad you are having a friend over, have a wonderful time!!! UB
Had a good day today, my husbands S13 was here visiting for the afternoon to spend some time with us. He seems so grown up now and is great with D3. I took D3 and S13 to the local lake for a boat ride, one of those little power boats, D3 loved it .
I am so proud of my husband for going to pick his S13 up in the end, i think deep down he knows that he needs to spend more time with him. Nothing much to report on the husband front, he is still pleasant but just getting on with his life. He does not seem depressed but does not seem extacically happy either. I no longer read into anything because i have learned the hard way that things are not always what they seem. It was 11 months yeterday since the bomb and my husband on the surface seems no further on in dealing with his issues, maybe there is just nothing to deal with anymore.
Hope everyone is ok
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
, i guess i am hitting a new level of detachment.
.