Hi Nom...Yeah you are right...I guess in that time things will be different....Note to self: must take a chill pill
Originally Posted By: CVA
Just know this feeling will pass. I hear ya, you may be there mentally, but it really cant hurt to do nothing. At the end of the day, what you would have in a do nothing scenario is your life in full gear and a piece of paper that says you are still married while she wallows in her own self doubt. That actually seems ok doesnt it?
Hope that helps CVA
Yeah mate it does, thanks..
I'm feeling a little better now, more chilled Sometimes I would just like to have my sitch move in one direction or the other. It does not stop me getting along with my life, I do what ever I wish do & enjoy it that way. But some part of me would like to have the R either begin to improve or decline & be well & truley over. If it should be the latter, then I want that to come from the W as I want her to feel & know that is her choice. If & when she ever feels like getting off her a$$ that it is.
Isnt that what this is really all about? As the books say, in any scenario you will know that you took the high ground and gave it your all. You cant control what she does (nor should any of us) so why fight it. Just day-day.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Isnt that what this is really all about? As the books say, in any scenario you will know that you took the high ground and gave it your all. You cant control what she does (nor should any of us) so why fight it. Just day-day.
I'm not sure i am giving it my all mate. I've left her to her own & given her space, even though she has not asked for it. She wanted to leave & move on, those were her words more or less. I have let her do that, I think thats all I can do. Sometimes I just don't know though, sometimes I have to convince myself that I am doing all I can in this sitch. When I can see clear that I am, it's ok, when I can't, it is not. I hope when all this is over I can sit back & say, I did all I could. I never want to think if only I did this, that or the other. I guess everyone say's & thinks the same things.
20 yrs of being together appears to mean nothing to her. It's funny how 2 weeks of the OM canceled out all those years, 2 weeks erases 20 years lol. I do try to not talk about the OM, but she met him 2 weeks before she left me. I do wish her the happiness that she seeks but something tells me that this thing with the OM won't work out. He's a heavy smoker & W hates that, he has kids that lost their mother & I can only see that it will be hard for W to fit into their lives. If/when it does go down she will more than likely lose the support of the friends that are shouting her on too. Her friend that she is staying with is the OM's sister & if it does not work out I really can't see that the W will be friends with her very long either.
Well today has been not so good, which to be honest does not happen that often, i'm ok most of the time.
So what would be giving it your all? More contact? Does she even want that? If not, sit back, do what you are doing. Again, if she is hellbent on what she is doing, nothing you can do, something about the "acceptance" part, or so I hear.
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
So what would be giving it your all? More contact? Does she even want that? If not, sit back, do what you are doing. Again, if she is hellbent on what she is doing, nothing you can do, something about the "acceptance" part, or so I hear.
CVA
Well I have done most of the calling in the time we have been seperated & at the moment i'm not calling her at all as there is nothing to call for, except to maybe say hi bla bla bla. This has not promted her to call me, so i'm guessing thats the way she would like it. If thats the case then i'm doing all I can do & thats fine
I can fully accept the sitch & what ever she throws at me. But the problem at the moment is, nothing is been thrown at me & i'm ready for it. I don't want the D but as I have stated before I will not fight it either.
Why she can't face me I just don't know. When I am feeling more clear headed like today, it does not bother me to much.
Just a little thought occurred to me today while at work, previous to this I was coming home tonight & was going to call her & ask her what it she wants... divorce? if so please go ahead with your plan if it's truly what she wants. However, back to what I was going to say. She has not actually asked or said she wants a D, well not directly anyway. She has asked me what I think about the D & that it has to be me that files....Call me slow but I did'nt think of this until a few hrs ago.
I have not been calling W & I said this in my previous post, there does not seem anything to say. I may call her in a day or so & just say Hi, test the water & see if she mentions anything about the D, if she does not, then I guess thats quite positive.
I keep telling myself, if she wanted to talk she would call me, is that the right attitude? i'm not sure.
I read other threads & the same advice has been given to me, that is...Leave her/him alone & let them contact you!...However, it always seems to be advice from those that have some kind of regular contact with thier SO. I would like to ask, given my sitch with no kids & no contact fast coming, would you be happy to follow that advice?
Strange Hmmm. Is your W the type like mine who really never would call anyway? My C said something very interesting to me today re: that. "She would probably be this way with or without your anger issues". Is that your sitch?
W/ no kids, hard to know how to make a connection. I do think it makes it a bit easier for you without that longing at home to be w/ kids like me that you could just start building your life and be the man you want to be i.e. to faciliate her to notice or worst case it does not work and you are moving on. Hard for me to say that so take it for what its worth. OK?
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
My W can have a stubborn streak, I have heard her mother say this on a few occasions. I have had an hard time in the past in getting my W to call, not the same, but it's the only example I can think of...Her job puts her in some heated situations, I would always ask her to call me & just let me know she was ok etc...Sometimes it was like hitting your head on a wall, the call would not come & I would have to call or sms her & then she would reply.
I can conversely say that your at an advantage NOT having kids. CVA is right, it would make it easier for you to make a clean break and start a new life. The whole ideal of no contact is to GAL and also give her a chance to see what life would be like without you.
She'll check in on you via mutual friends and acquaintance, they will be curious like that. If she comes back to you, that's great, if not, you've adjusted to a new life.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
This is just going to be about the whole dark thing really....I have questioned myself about whether I was there for my W...When she left she did say that she knows I love her & she can't love me the same & how I want her to. I cant think of how many times I have stopped up all night waiting for her to come home when she has been on night duty. I gave her lots of support in her job & always encouraged her to pursue it. I know there are lots of things that mean being there for her, but I don't feel that I totally give up on her....Sorry I was just thinking out loud there, i suppose.
But sometimes going dark just seems like it's the only option available.
