Thanks for the great update Dave, it's inspiring for us all to watch what happens when you open the "cage door" wide & let the WAS go free.
Like we've read on this board, there is a sort of recipe to turning around our R's from neg to positive & some of the ingredients are scary to add, such as the letting your S go & the giving of space w/ a PMA as you're doing it.
Amazing to me how well it really does work, as I see evidenced in your upward shift w/W yesterday. I love that you delivered MP3, etc. while out for a spin on your motocycle, it gives her that "Easy Rider" sort of image.
You're being rewarded for an amazing job of DBing, love to hear the results as it helps to reinforce the skills for us also.
That leap of faith is a big one to make but so neccessary. Hanging on to someone when they want to go is counterproductive to say the least . You have to let them go and see where the cards lie.
Dave, It makes me wish my WAW had agreed to go! I feel that the separation really does make them see at least a bit of what we give them. Exactly what they ignore to justify their walking!
Anywhoo, I am glad that you are seeing these baby steps and, whatever you do, keep your expectations low and keep on GAL!
You da man, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I went back to work today and was out of town so not home until close to 6.00 pm. W had been home to drop off D and spend time with S as its holidays. I had left her a DVD with some of her favourite TV shows I recorded because she has no TV yet , she needs to get a small satelitte dish set up. W had left ,but had prepared dinner for us all , baked muffins , done the washing , fed animals and left me a nice note hoping that I had a nice trip, PLUS prepared meal for tommorrow night with instructions. I was thinking this has got to be the strangest separation ever.
So I sent her a Text message that said " thank you for everything you should have stayed for dinner" I got a Text back that said " yeah I know thanks for that.. going to stay for dinner tommorrow night is that OK? and You are welcome , see you tommorrow ? "
I just sent back "OK"
Me thinks shes testing the water, Left before I got home but had done all the acts of service ( her LL ) , her note did NOT indicate that she would be here tommorrow for dinner. My reply was obviously the right one and gave her the confidence to invite herself.
I realy do struggle to remember how long its been since she has been this nice to me. Where it leads I dont know . I do know its her way of appologising so keeping expectations in check.
If this is seperated life , should have done it years ago Only joking about that.
I am absolutely sure that this is due to DB'ing . It may not have saved our M but it has saved our R.
Stepping back , validating what she is doing , cutting her loose with that letter and then helping her to move , keeping up the AOS LL on top of months of DB'ing has been worth it. even if we never get back together.
Great stuff, Dave -- things sound awesome in the southern hemisphere!
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I do know its her way of appologising so keeping expectations in check.
This is an absolute possibility, and it's good to keep this in mind. However, this is definitely a step in repairing your M too if things can progress that far. It's great that she cares about you so much still -- any WAS willing to do these things hasn't walked away too far IMO.
Great update -- nice to hear everything is still rolling along at a nice pace!
Thank you both for the support. A bit more of the same to report W was home yesterday with Kids when I got home from work. Was dressed nice and all made up , I thought overkill for hanging out with kids. W had baked bread ( first time for at least a year ) and we all had a very nice dinner together . W stayed on and watched some TV. then left for her place. She has backed off on the Hugs and Kisses a bit but I expected that. She will have D12 tommorrow night so I wont see W now for a couple of days and then she has her sister visiting so there will be a lot less contact over the next 5 days then next week its school for Kids and work for W and thats when the reality of the sitch will sink in.
She seems pretty determined to follow this path for now. I actualy feel quite confused right now as to what I should be doing. I have been apreciative of the nice dinners and things have been relaxed between us so thats good . I think I will just continue with the no pressure , validating what she is doing but work in the Acts of service and use any time together as quality time. See how this goes for another week and evaluate the results then .
Other than that I feel terrible today , I just hate how this is affecting the Kids.
How are your kids doing? Are they showing signs of struggling? have you given any thought, or have any access to some counseling for them?
I know how hard it is to see them in any pain, and to realize that there is only so much you can do to ease it... but I know how vested you are in them, and so do they...
D12 is doing OK , She has had plenty of time with W and W being at home during the day has made it easier for now. She sees going and staying with W as a bit of fun and if you were at our house last night you would have seen a normal happy family talking to each other at dinner. S(19now) Is working and coping well , dosnt like it at all but just getting on with things. S16 is the one that is struggling the most. He is close to W and I would guess feeling abandoned by her. Yesterday when W went to our house to be with them he went out for the whole afternoon not getting back until dinner , after dinner he went to his room and only came out once she had gone. He was nice to her but I couldnt help get the feeling hes avoiding her right now. I will see if he wants to talk over things tonight.
