CVA All we want is a little attention. If you were to compliment her on her way out , she will think that she doesn't need that ego booster so much from strangers b/c she's getting it form the one she really needs to hear it from. Thats the love tank filling up and maybe her outings will dimnish & she will want to go out w/ you instead....later much later I am sure....
You have said it before, you could be my husband! You and he are playing the same exact role. Even your lines are the same.
I am just going to say a couple things to enlighten you I see other posters have addressed the main issue.
Let me just enlighten you a little about the boob tops
Women on ladies night dress to impress their friends. It’s a keeping up with the Jones thing. Sometimes we will spend hours trying outfits on and makeup to out do each other. This is normal female behavior.
Aside from the controlling thing, this behavior translates to your wife that you don't trust her, or her judgement. I know, this is what I have put up with for years and its not a good feeling to *think* this is how your spouse percieves you!
You may have meant well and were coming from a good place but think of how these things sound to the other party.
Continue to work on this. This will be critical to getting your M back on track. Yes it will take many, many boob shirt outtings with no negative comments or reactions before she will begin to think you have really changed.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Perfect! I have heard this before but coming from you women here and you know EXACTLY what I am talking about on the boob tops, it really helps. It is literally the silicone (though most now are saline, although I hear the new silicone is coming back!) sisters at dinner! 4 stunning and I mean stunning women going out together. Ok, here is the crowd, 4 blondes, 37-40 yrs old, would give the 20 yr old women on Age of Love on NBC a real run for their money! I wish I were a waiter at those time! New career? Basically because not much is left to the imagination. OK off on a tangent now.
L, Chiki, WAW, I hear ya!
And no Nomo, not too harsh. Sensitive CVA was out for about 10 seconds, back to Cold Hearted, No Feeling DBing CVA. Really not, just trying to let it all roll off today. Nothing like what you went through yesterday. I have been told I have a big heart and wear my emotions on my sleeve, ya think!
I am amusing myself now. CVA out.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
And no Nomo, not too harsh. Sensitive CVA was out for about 10 seconds, back to Cold Hearted, No Feeling DBing CVA. Really not, just trying to let it all roll off today. Nothing like what you went through yesterday. I have been told I have a big heart and wear my emotions on my sleeve, ya think!
I have been told that too (big heart, sensitive), and I actually believe it. And I think it is good, so don't trade sensitive CVA in for cold-hearted, no feeling guy. Just realize that sometimes in the rush to respond to all the posts I want to respond to I get a little curt. Everything I say on these boards is intended to help, that's for sure.
BTW, you have really stepped up your participation on the bbs and other threads. I know you are helping many other people, and that is GREAT! I believe it is also the fastest way for us to learn the lessons as well, and I hope you agree.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Nomo, again, no worries, you didnt offend me at all! After I wrote it, I thought, I wonder if my comment came across as being sensitive?" it did! Sorry, nothing you said.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
7.10 journaling Went to the house, all smiles and hugs -"good to see you honey", "good to see you too"
Got extremely tired and non communicative w/ W. She came down from putting D11 to bed around 10 pm and sat down to watch tv with me. Back rubs to follow and prayer.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Sounds like a good night partner. I'll tell you what I think some times when I have a day like I think you did. The C session was trying, and probably a draining. But by the end of the day, you made a lot of progress, right? You learned some stuff about your sitch, your W, yourself, and your DB plan/efforts. And you had good interactions with the W and kids. Overall, seems like a good day, and you made progress towards your goal. Do you agree?
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
