CVA- I experience the same thing that your W (and Chicki) are talking about. For me, I think it is about independence. I am more motivated when I get to make my own decisions about things. When H is around, he tries to run the show, and I have spent years deferring to him about everything. Now, lots of things are mine to handle on my own, and it feels nice.
I think that if H had looked at me more as a partner in decision-making, maybe this wouldn't be an issue for me. I also could have asserted myself more, but it was easy to let someone else take the lead.
I don't know if this would be your W's explanation for this, but this is how I see it for me.
