I'm not too familiar with your sitch, but the anger issues I'm all too familiar with. I think I read it out of His Needs, Her Needs, but one of the things you have to change is the pattern. What are you arguing about, when, why, and where? Sit down and think this through, you will notice a pattern. Then change the pattern, and you should get results.
The two stories from either DR or the His/Her Needs was the one were the husband would come home upset about work and extra work. It would ruin the couples night when W would try and give advice. So one night, instead of advice she slams her fist down on the table and screams out "Doesn't your boss know you can't do this without the proper training, what an idiot, blah, blah." H is so stunned it grabs his attention.
The other is set up crazy ground rules, there was one were this couple couldn't argue unless is was nude. As H is throwing a fit, he is stripping and she ends up busting up so bad, that they can't argue without laughing now.
Not to say either of those will work, but think about your pattern, change it and take stock. Until you do that I guarantee your probably doing much of the same. I know I do.
