This is a long one. Things just were flowing onto the page.
I think you all are right. I won't be staying on the couch, in another room or somewhere else unless she brings it up. I don't know what to think right now. I went home for lunch and she came home shortly thereafter. She asked me how I was doing. She asked about the IC yesterday. I told him what he said about separation not meaning the end of a relationship. That he has seen people in much worse situations and come back and have a stronger relationship than when things were "good". She seemed encouraged by this.
I think part of our problem, and specifically more on her side because I have educated myself quite a bit since this started, is that in the ten plus years that we have been together, we have never even been close to breaking up. We have had such a strong bond that we were able to get through anything and we rarely if ever had relationship problems. We never even really had any fights. Now things are a bit rocky and it is a situation that we have not dealt with before so I don't think she is used to feeling this way and I think it is foreign to her and therefor she thinks that this must mean the end. With a little counseling I think she will really come around to wanting this to work and not being so gloomy about our chances.
We talked about my mother's party tomorrow. (50th b-day) She asked if I had told anyone in my family and I told her that I told my father and he stayed at the condo last night and that he was just going to keep it to himself for now. She asked if she should skip the party. I told her she did not have to do that, and that my family loves her and that they always will. She said she didn't think they would love her if she was leaving me. I told her they would because they love the person that she is and not just because she is my wife.
Then she started saying things that improved my mood a bit. She told me that she would be staying at the condo, that she was going to the gym but would be home at a reasonable hour (relative to our situation probably like 2:00 am since she gets off work at midnight). Then she said she went to a couple of vineyards around the area with her father. She said that she got my sister's husband a white wine because it was a really sweet white wine (his favorite). Then she said she got "us" a white whine and that she really thinks I will like it and also a red table wine. She said her father got "us" a red wine. Another small thing but I definitely noticed it and it is going on the positive side in my solutions journal tonight.
Then she told me she could not sleep last night. That she just laid on the couch and watched TV all night. She said she was really tired. I wanted to tell her that I could barely sleep at all myself, but I just said that it was important for her to get enough sleep because she works so hard.
Right before we talked about what the counselor said, I told her again that I would be there for her if she needed me and that I would wait for her to figure things out. When I say this to her, she always cries. She is a very emotional person- like cry at the drop of a hat or watching commercials on TV. I suspect it is mostly guilt, as she has said many times she does not want to hurt me. I did not tell her that I would not wait too long. Just didn't feel like the right thing to do now.
