Good for you hope, keep up the work and stay strong, no matter how hard it is. It does get better. I faced H and OW today, and I walked away feeling great. You can read the whole story on my sitch. Your right, our H's are the ones that are missing out. They will wake up one day and think, "What did I do?"
Sounds like you did well with your reply. I'm sure he didn't pick up because he didn't like the fact that you didn't answer when HE called.
Now you have to decide whether to keep playing phone tag or answer the phone next time he calls.
One thing to be wary of. He may have sensed (or heard--or read??) that you are thinking of filing for D. Calling and mentioning papers that aren't quite right sounds like a good way to stall. You were ready to file, and now you are back to waiting for him to fuss with these papers.
One thing to be wary of. He may have sensed (or heard--or read??) that you are thinking of filing for D. Calling and mentioning papers that aren't quite right sounds like a good way to stall. You were ready to file, and now you are back to waiting for him to fuss with these papers.
He is great at stalling, so I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised, and there is a good chance that he has heard that I am going to do something with the D if he doesn't. He doesn't even want a D. He just doesn't want to face his mistakes. I would rather him finish the D, since he is the one that wanted out of the M, but if he keeps stalling, I will take it into my own hands. We will see how this goes.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Have him fax the papers to you. If he comes up with an excuse as to why he cannot fax them over in the next day or two you will know that he is stalling.
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He doesn't even want a D.
Of course he doesn't want to D you, who would? You would have to be crazy.....
Of course he doesn't want to D you, who would? You would have to be crazy.....
Thanks Scott, you always know what to say. Well, I think that we have definately established that he is crazy. Too bad he is going to lose the best thing that ever happened to him over foolish pride.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Well, H returned my call and I answered this time. It started with small talk, and then he got to the D papers discussion. He said that he got them back yesterday and that they removed that language about the equity in the house. He said that it was supposed to be worded differently that he would receive some of the profit when I went to sell the house. He thought that we could just come to a verbal agreement on that but it was up to me. I just told him that I had no immediate intentions of selling the house, and I had no idea what I would be doing in 2 years. He said yeah me either. I didn't agree or disagree to anything. He said that he will mail me the papers unless he is going to be in the area soon and he will drop them by. All in all the conversation was very civil. He asked me 3 or 4 times what I have been up to and I just said nothing really. He must think that I am a saint. He is not going to put any language in the papers about the equity because he knows that is not what we agreed to, but he thinks that I will just give him some money if I make a lot off of the house. I try to not be bitter or mean to him, but he has screwed me over and he wants me to think of him. I guess you don't know what will happen in years to come... Hopefully, I will have a good life and then maybe I will think about giving him something because at this rate he is on the fasttrack to h$ll and God knows he will need it, but for now I am focusing on what is in the papers.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
If he's willing to let go of the house (ie, a quit-claim deed) without demanding equity, and the rest of it is as you described before, then run those papers by a lawyer and sign them quick. Is he on the mortgage? If so, then he is still responsible for the debt even if he quit-claims the property to you. Normally you would be required to re-finance to remove his name. Alternatively, you can agree to a "hold harmless" clause in the settlement (you take full responsibility for the debt).
At this point I think he is still feeling guilty, and therefore inclined to be "generous" to assuage that guilt. That will eventually change.
Is he on the mortgage? If so, then he is still responsible for the debt even if he quit-claims the property to you. Normally you would be required to re-finance to remove his name. Alternatively, you can agree to a "hold harmless" clause in the settlement (you take full responsibility for the debt).
Yes, he is on the mortgage. The original papers stated that I have to refi within 2 years and remove his name from the mortgage. What is this "hold harmless" clause? We have a 30-year fixed at 5.75% and I would rather not refi, but if that is what I have to do to get the house I will. Also, I read somewhere there was a way for a bank to remove a borrower from the mortgage if the other borrower could qualify on their own. Anyone know anything about that?
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At this point I think he is still feeling guilty, and therefore inclined to be "generous" to assuage that guilt. That will eventually change.
He is definately feeling guilty and rightfully so. He cares too much about what everyone thinks, so unless he is going to disown everyone, he feels that he has to be generous in the D, in order to keep a little dignity with his family and friends and even me.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Removing his name without refinancing is not possible, unless there is such a clause in your mortgage, and I've never seen one. What the bank could do, if it wanted to, would be to refinance the house for the remaining 25+ years at the same interest rate and not charge you any closing costs. This would leave you with the same payment. Is that likely? --Don't ask us; ask your bank.
If you D, then you don't refi in two years, he would have to go to court in order to enforce the settlement agreement. This won't happen until he needs the house off his credit report, to buy a house or something big.
The "hold harmless" clause in my settlement agreement basically says that if XW defaults on the mortgage, and the bank comes to me for payment, and I pay, then she owes me that money. It could even be deducted from her alimony (which is more than the mortgage). What it does not do is actually remove me from the mortgage--it is as if I co-signed on her loan. I'm not expected to pay it, but my income is guaranteeing the loan regardless, and it does show on my credit report.
At some point this may affect my ability to borrow money, but a house for me is a long way off.
