Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Dom R]

If it is an MLC, it's been going on for several years already. shouldn't it be done by now? :p

Unfortunately... no

sounds like you should read the MLC resources around here. there's a pinned post on resources, in the MLC forum.

To shortcut a bit on that specific question, I think that michelle writes in her "divorce remedy" book, that an MLC can take on average, 3-7 years :-( :-( :-(

btw: MLCs are only mentioned in "divorce remedy", not "divorce busting", i think.

Some thoughts on your journal post:

I'm glad you didnt kick him out. I'm sorry you two are no longer as cozy as you were last week. i hope it slowly comes back to you.

I think your counsellor is going to push him to separate.
Any marriage counsellor that is focused primarily on "what makes you happy?" is going to destroy your marriage. I'd say cancel the appointment and never see her again.
"help you through this transition"?? I think she's going to "help" you "transition" to being divorced.

One other thing, when we *were* talking about separation, he didn't want any restrictions placed on him regarding dating or sex. He was willing to call us "separated" (so I can continue on his insurance) until the end of the year, at which point we would "re-evaluate" the sitch and if things weren't better we would file at the beginning of next year. Doesn't that sully the sanctity of marriage?

Absolutely, it sullies your marriage.
I would never give your approval to him, for him to have sex.

On the one hand, you dont have the ability, really, to "put restrictions" on him. you could own up to him that "you dont and cant control him".

On the flip side... when and if that topic comes up again: point out that "separated" means "living separately, but still married", and married people shouldnt be having sex with other people. if he wants to have sex with someone else, then ('in your opinion') he should get a divorce first. You view sex while married, as cheating.
"I cant control you. I'm just letting you know how I feel".

side comment: he has to "try out" having sex with other people? What, so if the sex is better with someone else, he's going to leave, based on who f***s him better? You might point out the oddity of this viewpoint.

PS: on the GAL thing... I seem to recall in your kind of situation, it is recommended to look for things that you COULD do together. (and that he might like, even)

First find out if he has plans for a day. If he doesnt... say you are looking to have some fun doing ..... and he is invited to come. Then.. you look attractive, and fun-loving, while at the same time not shutting him out.
In my opinion, I think it's really important to not shut him out right now.


PPS: dont put yourself down on competing with a fantasy. You do what you can do. If you're doing everything that you can to be a good wife for him, and he still chooses to go off pursuing some silly fantasy for a while... you did everything you could, and you can be proud of yourself. he's the one who failed, at that point.
hang in there.