I said, "It's all right, will get you another dude!" She turns to me, why do I want another guy, I have my two guys right here. Kinda funny after I explained what I was talking to S.
That must have been awkward for W! I also think that her saying that is pretty telling of where she is at (at least at this point). Nomo is right -- treat her like a great friend (which I think you're doing) and just be there for her. Cook her up some great burgers, play with your S and listen to her when she talks (you know all of this). When you shop for her and S, try to also get W things that she really likes (my W loves pistacchio nuts and frozen mini eclairs, for example). Don't bring up that you did it, just do it and put it all away -- she will find it all soon enough and be very grateful.
You also know that the urge to snoop is strong, but stronger must be your will to exercise resistance to this temptation. You know that NO GOOD can come from this, so just put it out of your mind and just invest your time and energy in S and W -- not OM's. I think your W is telling you the truth in that she doesn't want anything to do with them. She sees what a great guy you are now with the unconditional love you've been giving her when no one else will -- this has been HUGE for her, and we can all see this. Let that texting OM to finish nailing his coffin shut -- see how his pursuit is so unattractive to W? Just like Michele says... If anything, just remind W that you hate to see her have to deal with such a situation, and are willing to help her in any way she wants in regard to the OM if and when she needs it. (Maybe some of us can come over and jump him in a dark alley... )
Quote:
she is building some bridges of trust, and I'm burning 'em behind me as we walk.
What do you mean here? I don't see where you're burning them.
I hope W does go see a counselor and try to get to the heart of this beast, and I wouldn't try to force the issue. She knows you like the idea, she has now taken the first step by requesting the insurance card -- if she does it, then great! If she doesn't, I wouldn't push it. Maybe continue showing concern for her well being, and if you want to bring up the counselor again, maybe make it in the form of a request, like "Are you sure you wouldn't like to see a counselor about what you're going through?" or "Do you think some counseling could help you deal with 'X' right now?" Ask then back off for a while. I see this as a fragile issue.
Has W been a good mother in the past? If so, then have no doubt she can still be one. She is just confused, lost, depressed, etc. She needs your help right now, both financially and emotionally. I truly believe that if you continue being there for her without expectations, she will come back to you for the long haul -- just remember that DBing is a lifestyle, not a temporary strategy. It doesn't just fix a M -- it also helps to maintain one.
Good luck and keep us posted (and your posts aren't that long if you compare them to some of mine!)
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