I want to call her and tell her what I'm feeling. I know not to but...
In April, we went to see a band play for her b-day. Something came up and she mentioned going to see her friend the following week for the political/social events. She said something strange re; SSA. I asked if she had told this friend/OW. W said, what would be the point? It doesn't change who I am.
Liar. W had already told her and OW had already formulated her plan to seduce W.
W said, its hard enough to deal with this without everybody looking at you funny. I stupidly asked, do you see yourself pursuing this? W said, how, it's nothing that can ever be part of my life now. I said stupidly, I know, I mean't in the future. W said, I'm married. I said again stupidly, I know but still. W said, I'm not a cheater, I don't cheat, don't start doubting me again.
Liar.
Yet I can never bring this up. I have to just let it go. It's eating me alive. I want to call the OW's husband. W and OW say he knows, he is fine. Really, so I can call him and ask him how the hell he is able to wrap his brain around this whole polyarmoury concept or whatever term they want to use. You sure he won't mind?
Or maybe I can make the same mistake I've seen a bunch of other people around here do. Maybe I can call the OW. She is a friend and prior to this, we talked weekly, sometimes daily after her father died due to cancer. Maybe I can call her and ask what if feels like to see me and my children and know she set out to seduce their mother and my wife. Just what does that feel like, if you feel anything?
Thankfully, I can type this here. I want to confront, to smash, shred, destroy. I want to make others hurt the way I'm hurting right now. Motherfuckers. This was deliberate. Planned. Strange as it sounds, that seems to make it worse. They were planning and I was walking around in la-la land, thinking about how great it was going to be to see old friends, W and I have been getting along much better so the kids will have a fun, tension-free trip. Yah! Woohoo!
Stupid. How naive.
I just gotta keep it here, vent here.
Don't chase, pursue, call. Be happy and agreeable. GAL, PMA and of course, STFU.
