Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[MaxP]

If it is an MLC, it's been going on for several years already. shouldn't it be done by now?

Some people say they can last for several years, but it has been a long time from what you say. If you ask me he just sounds really selfish. The music thing sounds very MLCish though.

One thing I don't want is for him to be "free" to call all the shots, come and go as he pleases, not wear his wedding ring, be stingy with affection and then still get great sex. On the one hand I know it keeps us connected, but on the other, that's a great life for him, not so great for me.

Exactly, this is really selfish behaviour and perhaps some boundaries are required, if nothing else for your sanity.

One other thing, when we *were* talking about separation, he didn't want any restrictions placed on him regarding dating or sex. He was willing to call us "separated" (so I can continue on his insurance) until the end of the year, at which point we would "re-evaluate" the sitch and if things weren't better we would file at the beginning of next year. Doesn't that sully the sanctity of marriage?

I guess you are like me here, being separated is so weird that you cannot know what territory you have moved into. What does it actually mean to him and you? It is worth discussing this before you separate.

Given that you will know far less about what he is up to and you can't control anyone anyway there is a hightened risk that something could happen. In my case we discussed this situation briefly and I stated that while I cannot prevent what my wife does, I do not want us to see / sleep with other people while separated as this will make it way harder to reconcile. That's all you can do. Obviously we are still married, but WASs may view that as a technicality and the danger is that they feel they are free to 'explore their feelings'. Clearly your H would prefer your blessing here but I can completely understand that you don't want to give him that (and you don't have to either).

The other issue is one of health, particularly if you are still likely to be having sex with him.

Max