This is a really interesting thread, there are many, many things that have been posted that I can relate to.
I know I didn't have the best childhood, but honestly, it's hard to know how much it affected me or I guess we can safely assume it affected me, but I'm not sure in what ways exactly because I honestly don't remember a lot. My sister is the same way, she doesn't remember much either and she's expressed concern over that but I guess I've never really stopped to think about it. Even though I know my situation was messed up, I mostly just wish I'd gotten better guidance on how to be a good person, ya know? That's something I don't think anyone in my family really thinks about. I wish I'd have had the wherewithall to make better decisions in high school and figure out who I wanted to be. Instead I just muddled through and was not very deliberate in my decisions.
My H is a very deliberate individual, surprise to you all right One of the things about myself that I feel like most people would consider a good quality is that I make things happen for myself. My H however tends to see that as self centered. If I want something, I figure out how to get it....I don't use this quality for myself only, but again....I wasn't brought up thinking about how to be a good person. Thinking about how to please others honestly probably requires more effort from me than it might from other people. I would never, ever want to HURT anyone, but I guess I don't always stop and think about how I can make others HAPPY. That's something I want to change about myself, in that way I guess I sort of agree that I am selfish or self centered at least. I scored in the 30s for the Nice Guy test. I can totally see where I don't want to be selfish, so I don't verbalize my wants. But I do get really pissy if those wants aren't met. I'm also a MAJOR approval seeker and resentment sets in pretty darn quick when I don't get it. That's something that I know is very childish of me, I'm just not sure how to change it. I can ACT like I'm not that way, but on the inside, it's there and I don't know how to genuinely change it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
One of the things about myself that I feel like most people would consider a good quality is that I make things happen for myself. My H however tends to see that as self centered. If I want something, I figure out how to get it....I don't use this quality for myself only, but again....I wasn't brought up thinking about how to be a good person. Thinking about how to please others honestly probably requires more effort from me than it might from other people. I would never, ever want to HURT anyone, but I guess I don't always stop and think about how I can make others HAPPY. That's something I want to change about myself, in that way I guess I sort of agree that I am selfish or self centered at least. 