Hey, Cemar - But I'm a Nice Guy!

[fearless]

Ah Cemar so you are basically starting to admit it: I have trouble with this

IMHO that in a nutshell is going to stop you from getting what you want. You keep looking for the loopholes in possible solutions to your problem. You want a solution that is convenient and easy for you which in your case means that everything wrong with your marriage is because of your WIFE. Anything that might require you to look inward is off the table because it is "logically" your wife's fault. You like to call yourself logical but to me a "logical" person would stop doing the same things that were getting him nowhere and would start looking somewhere else. In fact you might say it would be more logical to work on yourself EVEN IF your wife has real issues because the fact is you cannot change someone else no matter how much you would like to believe you can.

You are like the overweight person that drinks milkshakes every day and does not exercise and yet claims they REALLY want to lose weight. So you explain that by giving up milkshakes and beginning to walk every day, they can start to slowly and healthfully lose weight. Then they tell you "I have trouble with this because milkshakes and sitting by the television are what make me happy." Mmmm. Then the "logical" explanation is that they REALLY don't want to lose weight.

Crazy Eddie: to address your earlier questions, I do not feel like a failure because I cannot get through to Cemar. Of course I can continue to refine my posts and try to reach him but truly he will never be reached until he chooses to open himself up. On the other hand, I am still trying because I do hate to give up on people!

P.S.

To address your question, what if the man in example #1 really didn't want to be CEO of his own company but was doing so in order to try to get his wife to become desirous of him? Then he REALLY wouldn't be happy.

Also in example #2 what about the woman is the ultimate "validation" of him? What if she doesn't give a d@mn that he is a CEO (maybe she thinks that he spends too much time at work) but loves him for his compassion and intensity? Would that diminish her love for him in your eyes?

I don't know how to be clearer that mixing validation that should come within with others is ALWAYS going to create problems because someone else will NEVER CONSISTENTLY be able to validate you.