SHe has already texted me twice with that question. She's persistent, when it suits her.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1162413&page=2#Post1162413 M-28 W-28 Together 10 years Married 2 years No children Things started taking a turn in 01/07
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
You have to come clean. You want her to be honest with you. Be honest with her.
You can tell her you were worried about her, but I suggest telling her you know it was wrong and you're sorry and it won't happen again. She may be pissed (rightfully), but you will get past this. Damage to your cause? Yes. Death sentence? No.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I am assuming you were there around 4 am, by the way. If you weren't then say no.
Assuming you were there (and it seems like you were from your posts but its not 100% clear to me), then she probably knows anyway. When she came over this morning, she cam eclean about being at his house. She may have known that you knew. As the day went on, she probably got angry you were snooping.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Well, I figured that since I was there yesterday morning I would tell her that yes, I was. Not as bad a reaction as I thought, but then again, haven't seen her since I told her. I guess right now, every day is going to be a struggle. Everywhere I look, I see something that reminds me of her and our hopes and dreams. I went to talk to an IC yesterday. He gave the typical line, if this does not work out, it is not the end of the world, yada, yada, yada. I just feel like I am being cheated out of everything that I ever wanted. I know that it could result in the beginning of her moving on without me, and it is killing me inside. Slept terribly last night. I had been up previously for 40 hours straight. I am going to work today. God, please help.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1162413&page=2#Post1162413 M-28 W-28 Together 10 years Married 2 years No children Things started taking a turn in 01/07
We all know how hard this is for you, we have all been in this place, I know that it doesn't help, and right now you feel that things will never be better again. They will slowly get better, its not a quick process, but each day you will notice little things, maybe you aren't thinking about it as much, or you actually had something to eat and finished it. No one should have to feel this type of pain, but we do, and you know what it will make us stronger better people. It has shown me things about myself, how strong I am, how if it comes to it I will be ok on my own(with kids) I don't need him to define myself. These will all be slow realizations but they will come, you need to focus on you! You are the most important right now, stay healthy and focused on you and what you need right now.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Thank you all so much for the support. Yesterday was a tough day for me. Well, I just talked to her. She is going to breakfast with her father-who is down from Newbury, MA because of this. He left his wife of 25 years for another woman, so not really sure what great and outstanding pearls of wisdom he is going to have for her.
Anyway, we are having furniture being delivered tomorrow between 8 and 11 am. She said that she figured she would just stay at the condo tonight since it is going to be an early delivery and that way she wouldn't have to get up early to get to the condo for the delivery. She asked if that would be okay. (doesn't really make that much sense to me since I don't typically leave for work until around 9 and she would just have to show up before then) I told her that it was fine, if that is what she wanted to do. Even though I want to her stay there so badly I stayed calm and did not seem anxious.
I plan on taking this whole thing one day at a time. We did not get here overnight, even though at times it feels like it did. I just don't think she is in a good place mentally to be making these types of decisions. My IC told me to tell her that "I think that it is a good thing for you to go and get your space, both for you and for me. That, I will wait for you to make a decision regarding us, but not for too long." Not really sure about the time limiting aspect of that, because it will make her feel like she is being forced into making a decision under some arbitrary timeline, but I think the rest of it is pretty good.
Sorry to hear that you have been through the ringer. Glad you are talking to an IC and trying to take care of your mental health. The IC had good advice about acknowleding your W's need for space, but I wouldn't add any time lines either. Like everyone here none of this happened in a day and it will probably take just as long to fix it as it did to break it, maybe longer since this is an uphill journey.
Hang in there Stew. Sending some good vibes your way.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
What do you think about her wanting to stay at the condo tonight? Should I offer to sleep in another room or at a friends or parents' house? Even though that is reeeeallly not what I want to do.
I woke up this morning, just longing for her to be next to me. And it seems silly because she wasn't really loving towards me the last few months (almost like she wasn't there emotionally already), but not having her physically there hurts.
