I have just caught up with your sitch , sorry its been a while . I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you and you have every right to be angry about this because it sucks.
Now everything is out in the open you will be able to see the reasons for what has been happening and why DB'ing efforts have not been having any immediate impression on H.
Now take a deep breath , revisit your goals , have they changed ? What do you need to do ?
Hold your head high and feel good about yourself and the efforts you have made.
I feel for ya still. I've been living on the same boat you're now on for seven months. I got divorced Thursday, and will go ultra-dark till I die. Changed my phone # and got it unlisted...changed my email address and cell phone #'s. I am virtually unreachable...I think you should go very dark now. It helps block out the infidelity obsession and thoughts, gets the focus back on you, eliminates confrontation, and ignoring someone is just plain satisfying.
Just my .02. Hang in there hon, we all love you.
PS I'm single now, babe...wink wink nudge nudge
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
It makes my teeth ache I want to snap so hard when I heard D say to H on the phone, "I miss her, too" - obviously in response to H saying he missed his GF. ~!&@$$@&*&!
It could be that GF said she missed D, not that will make you feel any better probably.
How are you holding up still?
Good advice from SD about letting go of the rope. I suspect you are trying and H isn't leaving you alone to some extent.
I also really liked what Dave said:
Originally Posted By: C_K
Now everything is out in the open you will be able to see the reasons for what has been happening and why DB'ing efforts have not been having any immediate impression on H.
about2divorced - sorry to hear about the D (assuming you are too). Hang in there.
Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
i just need to breathe. feel like i'm underwater, again. Awful. Weirdly, unbelievably, thoughts of him w/her are even not as horrible as the fact that he continually and consistently - purposely & w/exact aim - hurts me & hits me & hates me, and it's still not enough for him. and it's still my fault. this is not H. this is not the man I know at all. no one else in the world gets this version of H. i don't want this one. i don't like him & i want to run far far asway from him.
in Hiding mode today.
Will see C Thurs unless someone cancels in the meantime.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
You are strong Still. Its a little like you've been hit in the head with a hammer, and there are probably feelings of disorientation, but you will be fine. Actually, you will be great. Just take your time.
Hugs, of course, Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Oh, and went to jj class w/the kids & H was there. another dad who frequently talks to me THE WHOLE CLASS (can hardly watch S much) was, again, talking & talking to me (Not that that's a bad thing. he's very nice, our girls play at our feet, he's M'd, just not the sit-&-be-quiet type i guess) but H came &, leaving an empty chair next to me, sits down & obviously waiting until Dad finishes his story or whatever then says, "Do you want to take the kids after class?" Okay, don't get excited; I KNOW H, remember, so I ask "Why?" (altho HE HATES!!! when I answer his questions w/a question) & he says, "I have to go in to work tonight." (lol, yeah) I said "No. I have plans now." He said, "Okay." (clearly w/a 'you're-being-difficult' attitude) & walks away. (And, for the record, I did have a private P.class to teach at 6:45 & Friend A & another friend had both left me vm's asking me to meet for dinner or whatever afterwards, which I hadn't def. decided to do or not, but hadn't decided against either.)
After class was over, I went into the room where the boys changed back into street clothes, & hug S & tell him I'll see him on Wed.; talk to other boys who want to schedule a play date w/S to trade Pokemon cards. H is there, on his phone, clearly w/work. After 2-3 min., I'm leaving the room & it's obvious H is trying to get a break in the phone convo prolly to ask me/tell me something, but I turn & walk away & take a few steps out of the room. Then he calls out (and it was my name, not "Hey" - which, isn't that pathetic that i recognized the diff?) & asks "What time do you want them back on Wed.?" "Any time either before 8:30 or after 10:15" I say (which is my standard answer to him, b/c of P.classes I teach in the mornings) then I turn aro und & walk away again. He said "Okay" mostly to my back. Which reminds me, gotta run. bbs
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
Glad you're going out with friends for dinner tonight -- I hope you enjoy your time with them. What else are you doing to keep yourself busy? I agree with Nomo -- though you are feeling disoriented, we know you're going to pull through this. It is H's loss, and he will come to realize how great you are and what he screwed up once the dust settles. Show him and yourself what you're made of and what you're really about!
