I wouldn't have taken the flower & card as overstepping. As long as it was really meant to be from the children and they were the only ones who signed it. I think its very thoughtful esp since she has been sick for several weeks. As long as you didn't have an ulterior motives or expectations, I think it was a great idea.
I think I will ask H about letting me have the second night tickets. If he says no then I might not go. I did get sitter already so I guess I am covered either way.
PS: We are all lost but at least a few of us have this site and others to help guide us through the bumps. I will admit though that every decent day I have around H he thinks all is dandy. Even though we continue to have the "it doesn't change things" talks. Its very frustrating. I really hope the MC can get him to read DR. If not, I don't know if he will ever get it!
Its very sad really. Two steps forward and four steps back is the only way I can describe our situation right now. I give a little then he pushes. I don't know if me moving out for good will finally get us over the hump. I know from the LBS POV it doesn't seem productive but we need to get out of this cycle...
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Sorry I did not know about the lack of physical affection (sex) before the bomb, my bad.
In that case, on the positive side, I agree w/ Dustin and GD on him trying to make a connection, no other explanation really in my mind.
FWIW.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I don't know if me moving out for good will finally get us over the hump. I know from the LBS POV it doesn't seem productive but we need to get out of this cycle...
Quite honestly, I think that a separation can be very healthy, as long as it is done right. Look at C_K's thread -- I think he and his W are doing a great job in this regard. For me, it was the physical separation that really allowed me that opportunity to look at what was really at stake (because she WAS gone and I WAS losing her at that point). It really kicked me in the arse. It could do the same for your H.
Hope the concert ticket talk goes well -- I'll be sending your H DB thought waves in hopes that he'll keep his emotions in check and respect your needs.
And thanks for the help (having you here to bounce ideas off of has been a blessing -- are you sure you're not an angel sent down from above to help all of us LBS's? ) I didn't sign the card (knew that would be bad), and didn't say anything about the flower or card to W. Just let the kids give them to her, and then shortly after just asked her if she was feeling better, listened and validated. That's it. I didn't have any expectations, but I'd be lying if I was to say that I wasn't motivated to some extent to do something nice for her in hopes that some seeds of doubt would be planted. I want her to know that she is still cared about, and that I will be there as a friend, if anything. I think the carnation was a flower that kind of leant to that notion.
Just wanted to say hi. Read your journal entry and thought you got excellent feedback too. Not too much to add, just hope you are feeling a little better tonight (or sleeping) than you were this morning.
Talk to you later, Nomo
PS - I'm now thinking two dancing bears on the back of a shoulder. A pink one (with a flower of course), with D4's name under it, and a blue one (maybe with a soccer ball or something), with S6's name under it. Maybe I will leave enough space between the two to add my W's name and bear one day. Thoughts?
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Okay GD...so H refuses to let me have the tickets for tomorrow night even though he is going tonight with a pal. He still wants to go, so we are going together. I mean its Ratdog! I can't miss a Ratdog show! With my luck he will end up playing my favorite sets and I will have missed it. Bob Weir is the man...so I guess I can put up with the H for a few hours to bask in Bob's presence. I don't think he will be touring in the Boston area again until Fall/Spring of next year so I got to suck it up and go. I think I might just have to warn H that I am going for my love of the Dead, period.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
If you can live with it, then enjoy yourself. I'm sorry that H didn't budge on the tickets -- he can't honestly believe that doing this helps his chances, so I'm guessing he's blinded by the idea that more time together is good time and beneficial to the possibility of reconciliation. Did you tell him why you would like to go separately? How did he respond?
Ratdog, huh? You didn't mention that before. I've seen them a few times in my neck of the woods, and they put on one hell of a show, don't they! Bob is the man! About a year and a half ago I saw The Doors of the 21st Century, which (if you didn't know) is Robby Krieger and Ray Manzerik (sp?) of the original Doors, plus a new drummer and lead singer. The lead singer looks JUST LIKE Jim did in his prime and sounds JUST LIKE him! The sounded spectacular and gave off that Doors vibe that I imagine permeated the air back in the 60s and 70s -- much like Ratdog is able to do!
Well, enjoy your concert and bask in Bob's greatness for me! Hope all goes just fine.
I would love to see The "New" Doors! My fist tat was an homage to the great Lizard King...a red lizard on my right ankle. Don't even tell me the lead singer looks just like Jim in his prime! I might faint!
Well I hope my H figures out the do's and starts avoiding the don'ts sooner than later. Very difficult for me to keep being optimistic. I am crossing my fingers that this does not turn into a disaster!
PS: Friday night is the New Riders of the Purple Sage. You seem to like music from the 60's & 70's. Maybe you are familiar with them? Jerry Garcia was a member for a while.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
I would love to see The "New" Doors! My fist tat was an homage to the great Lizard King...a red lizard on my right ankle. Don't even tell me the lead singer looks just like Jim in his prime! I might faint!
Well I hope my H figures out the do's and starts avoiding the don'ts sooner than later. Very difficult for me to keep being optimistic. I am crossing my fingers that this does not turn into a disaster!
PS: Friday night is the New Riders of the Purple Sage. You seem to like music from the 60's & 70's. Maybe you are familiar with them? Jerry Garcia was a member for a while.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
) I didn't sign the card (knew that would be bad), and didn't say anything about the flower or card to W. Just let the kids give them to her, and then shortly after just asked her if she was feeling better, listened and validated. That's it. I didn't have any expectations, but I'd be lying if I was to say that I wasn't motivated to some extent to do something nice for her in hopes that some seeds of doubt would be planted. I want her to know that she is still cared about, and that I will be there as a friend, if anything. I think the carnation was a flower that kind of leant to that notion.
