Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Dom R]

wow. you've really been trying hard. I understand why you want to give up now. you're tired!

some extra comments:

Ok you gave more history about 2001. you described how YOU felt.
you, you, you.
I dont see one thing about HIM. what made HIM decide then.

Seems like either you just dont know, or you know but dont want to admit it somehow?

"I point out that he is sticking me in a box; that's not me anymore." good for you!

He refuses to do the 15 hours of undivided attention. ...
I *never* bring up separation or divorce; he does, and then I talk him out of it

Ok, he's firmly in walkaway mode.
and we still dont know why.

he doesnt know if your marriage is worth putting in the effort... but he doesnt know what it would look like, to make it worth the effort.
maybe it's really pure MLC, "I dont really know if I even want to be married" angst at this point. He has no idea what he is doing.

What do you all think of this:
"Gosh, this morning things seemed like they were a little awkward between us" (Pause to see if he agrees.)
Assuming he does-
"I went ahead and set up the guest room for you."

I think it's horrible.
you've gone from pulling, to pushing.
I think you need to stop both.

Show him what life can be like with you. Then let him decide for himself. Treat him according to his actions. His actions, are his decision, even if he doesnt verbalize a decision to you then.
if he stops messing around, then keep being good to him.
If he doesnt stop, then withdraw from him.

One of his alleged complaints is that I do too much for him. That I am too nice to him. That I haven't made him *want* to not desire his freedom, but despite emotional needs questions, the counseling, etc, he can not articulate what it would take for me to fulfill his needs. He feels "drawn" to having his freedom.

This is babble. i say ignore it.
Unless he's turning into some bizzare submissive freak.
In which case, instead of petting him in the morning, try tying him up.
Just kidding... i think....


but anyways.. notice the reoccurring theme. "freedom".
So stop telling him what to do. Stop pulling. Stop pushing. just say, "you HAVE your freedom. you're free to choose."
And then treat him according to his actions.
(it will probably take him quite some time to realize that he really does have the freedom over himself that he's been asking for all along. dont expect a coherent response to that. just look at his actions)

MB doesnt address MLCs, really. DB does. Unfortunately, from what I read, DB basically says, "not much you can do, you have to ride it out".

I read that as saying, "set your boundaries. sit tight for him to wake up. but meanwhile, dont expect him to be a caring, responsive husband until he does wake up".

I think there are two overlapping issues here:

1. the unknown issue(s) that caused him to make that decision in 2001

2. an MLC.

I think you have largely addressed #1, by losing that weight. but I feel there's more to it.