Andy, know that people you don't even know are rooting for you and thinking about you. I keep thinking about you & your sitch today. Not to make you feel even worse, but it has got to be so hard knowing your W is w/ OM. Keep in mind though that it really can't get any worse. I know that sounds harsh, but it's really kind of true. If you can get through this and show her the stuff you're made of, you can get through anything and shine in the end. Hand in there!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I honestly though that I had gotten through all the pain months ago. In my mind I had already conceded what they were doing. I just don't think it sunk in until I made her admit to it over the phone.
And them being away for a week really has hit me more than I thought it would.
I think the lies have hurt me the most.
But like you said, it can't get any worse, and it does get easier with time.
Thanks again for your support, I really do appreciate it.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Thank you all for your support, it really does mean alot to me.
I hope I can contribute something back to you all, once I get through this latest chapter of my sitch. Man, I feel so exhausted. It's like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from.
I had a really good night. My sister cooked a great dinner for us, rack of lamb with mashed sweet potato. She should be a chef, it was amazing.
Then met up with the lads for a few drinks, bruised my kidneys laughing with them all night (took my mind of my sitch).
I am off to pick up DD from Nan and Pops in around 10 mins, I miss her so much.
I hope you all are having a good weekend. Lotsa Luv,
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Man, I feel so exhausted. It's like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from.
Brother I know exactly how you feel....I am still waiting to wake up from my nightmare. I also know how you feel when the pain comes flooding back in, even after you feel like it has been dealt with. It sucks.... Though the intensity of the pain is the same, I have found that it does not last as long or come up as frequent as it once did.
Stop beating yourself up with the "If only..." BS. Your W and my W need reasons for their action of running to OM. I now have been given multiple reasons for my W A and now our D....They need to find something wrong with us, our actions, otherwise they could not do what they are doing in good conscience(As screwed up as this thinking is I think they still believe they are moral).
Andy.... The only thing that we are truthfully being accused of by our W's is that we are not perfect. We know this, this is not news to us. My W thinks that she is doing me a favor by not talking to people about how I have made her feel over the years(at least how she says she now felt during our M). To be honest I would not mind at all if she talked to everybody. I am not perfect, never have been never will be. I was not a perfect H is all she can say. I did not meet her expectations, this is why I was/am neglectful and abusive. Did I ever hit my W? no Did I yell at my W and tear her down? no Was I the perfect H? no.....
We did the best that we could with the information that was available to us. We did not purposely drive our W's into OM arms or did we ever do anything to purposely hurt them emotionally. We are guilty of not being perfect, at least I know that I am.
My W thinks that she is doing me a favor by not talking to people about how I have made her feel over the years(at least how she says she now felt during our M). To be honest I would not mind at all if she talked to everybody. I am not perfect, never have been never will be.
ERC, Hit the nail on the head. I WISH my W would tell everybody what she has done. Why are WE the ones that keep their little dirty secret?
Andyv, ERC is right. There is not what if's or if I only. We did what we did. When I had my accident I went though that. What if I left 1 min. earlier or 1 min later? Ya if I did things MAY have been different I could have been worse if may have been better BUT WE WILL NEVER KNOW. We have to play with the cards we are dealt. Both of you at least feel good that your sitch may not have come out the way you wanted (SO FAR). But you have helped me and others here. We all make mistakes, that’s OK it's repeating them that becomes a problem. Together we can learn form each other mistake that way we don't have to make them ourselves. (Saves time) .Both of you guys has been a great help to me. Remember don't ever give up. Because when you give up that is the only time you have really failed.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Just wanted to throw in my support andy. Although I don't post much, reading all of your sitchs really helps. Just know we are all in the same boat, and letting out our feelings here when we are on the downward swing of the roller coaster really helps. It's funny how all of us feel the same, just when we think we are okay with everything and ready to move on or be patient, the s$&# hits the fan and all the emotions hit us like a ton of bricks. Hang in there budddy.
My Sitch Me - 32 W - 33 S2,S4,S8,S9,S14 (yes, 5 boys) OM - 60 EA - 02-2006 PA - 02-2006 Separated - 01/2007 Told me about EA/PA - 06/16/07
I'm going to pick up some yellow tail Chardonnay for the trip. W asked about you last night at dinner. Just told her you were a friend I met on the internet. I guess I have been talking about you too much. Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thanks buddy. I think I have to stop with the "What If's".
The funny thing is, that after finding out about OM (from her cousin, appearance, personality etc), this guy will not meet the needs that she said I neglected.
Everything she has brought up re failings, he will struggle with. Along with the other things that he will not measure up to.
He is very careful with his money (she says that she is not into material things), but if you have a look at her jewellry, shoes, clothes and houshold items, it is like living with Imelda Marcos (especially her boot fetish, every shade and shape, around 58 pairs).
Neither of them can cook, so it will be toasted sandwiches for dinner most nights. Has an average job, average looks, short, looks 10 years older than me (even though he is 11 years younger). The only thing they have in common is kick boxing and rock climbing.
The complete opposite of me (something she prided on when we were together, and was very jealous and over protective of).
Anyway, I don't know why I had to put the above in my post.........
But it sounds like you are coping well brother (in regards to your sitch), which is really good to hear.
All the best mate,
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
