Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

Thanks to ALL of you taking the time to read and respond. I feel so discombulated and all over the map.

Regarding the 2001 thing when he decided he was going leave; he did not actually LEAVE in '01. He decided that in '06 (when the youngest graduated) he would divorce me. He did not reveal his 'plan' until 2005 when I got upset that the guy who "didn't like wearing rings/wasn't a jewelry type of guy" was wearing a dragon ring all the time, but no wedding ring. That was when he told me about his plans; and partially because his sis' had said it would only be fair to give me a heads up. His original plan had been to wait until the springtime to let me know.

As to the straw that broke the camels back in 2001, we went to FL to see his family the first week of July. I live in Seattle. Florida (climate wise) was HORRID. I was overweight, boiling hot all the time, and he and his siblings were drinking non-stop. I felt out of place. I felt like *someone* had to remain sober to take care of the kids. I lost a precious pet (who was sick before we left) while away. It was a HORRIBLE time. That was when he decided.

Since then we have gone on good trips, but somehow he just keeps remembering that trip and holding it against me. (He's brought it up within the last year, and then I have to go over all the other trips and say "well, didn't we have a good time at _____? What about _____?") When he starts to box me into the "fuddy duddy" box, I point out that he is sticking me in a box; that's not me anymore.

I have been a changed person since mid-late 2005. I have gradually been getting more confident to demand he act like a married man. Not a single guy with married benefits.

The reason we are even still together is because I put the marriagebuilders theories into practice in 2005. We attended the MB weekend this past March. He refuses to do the 15 hours of undivided attention. Says he just doesn't have the energy or desire. I *never* bring up separation or divorce; he does, and then I talk him out of it. This last Thursday, I decided not to.

One of his alleged complaints is that I do too much for him. That I am too nice to him. That I haven't made him *want* to not desire his freedom, but despite emotional needs questions, the counseling, etc, he can not articulate what it would take for me to fulfill his needs. He feels "drawn" to having his freedom.

I don't think there really is anything more I could do to show this man that I love him. He already feels totally confidant that i will remain no matter what he does (within reason.)

I have set up the guest room.
What do you all think of this:
"Gosh, this morning things seemed like they were a little awkward between us" (Pause to see if he agrees.)
Assuming he does-
"I went ahead and set up the guest room for you."

[part of me wants to say something like "It's not that I am opposed to being physical with you, because I most certainly am agreeable to that, but I do not want to end up in the same sitch we were in a couple years ago with you living as a single guy who's married." Argh, that's not good...I dunno.]

Okay, could someone with a clearer head coach me on a good way to broach this subject?