You are very young, but how good it is to learn that you can only control you and not H, at such a young age. You will be even better in the next R. None of us expected to be where we are. I sure didn't sign up for the sitch I found myself in, at 46/47. Life is what it is, and we just have to do our best.
I met my present H when I was 27 after going through a 3 year, abusive M to my first H. We got married when I was 28, and celebrated our 21st anniversary in March. So, you see, one can never plan too much, but just take the opportunities as they come, and make the most of life.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks everyone for all the support and kind words.
Well, H just called me. I did a 180 and didn't answer. He left a message that said he got the D papers back with the changes and that I should call him when it is convenient for me or he will try me again later. He sounded very pleasant, totally different the last contact that I had with him which was a nasty tm 2 weeks ago threatening to take me to court. Now, what should I do. Should I wait a couple hours, a day, etc. and try to call him or wait and let him call me back? I'm sure he heard through the grapevine that I was out this weekend, so he'll probably bring that up too. Any advice?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Wait a minute--what D papers? From 6 months ago--and he finally got them back with the changes?
Good for you not answering the phone. (btw, have you gotten a new cell yet, so he can't monitor your calls?)
Go ahead and call him in an hour or so, whenever you're ready. If he asks him what you did this weekend, just say you're keeping busy. If he persists, you can change the subject by asking him what he and OW did this weekend.
Wait a minute--what D papers? From 6 months ago--and he finally got them back with the changes?
Exactly, way back in February, he was supposed to get them changed but he was buying time trying to convince me that he deserved more. I refused and then he bought himself some more time by talking about coming home and trying work on things in April and May. Then on Father's Day, I told him it was over and he agreed to getting the papers changed, but then after I laid into him at the graduation party when he driving OW's car, he threatened that he wasn't going to get them changed. I just don't know what to think anymore.
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Good for you not answering the phone. (btw, have you gotten a new cell yet, so he can't monitor your calls?)
It is a total 180 for me not to drop everything to talk to him. No new cell yet, but I still have been talking to who I want, just not on the cell. He can't monitor everything from 3 hours away. I'm working on the new cell.
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Go ahead and call him in an hour or so, whenever you're ready. If he asks him what you did this weekend, just say you're keeping busy. If he persists, you can change the subject by asking him what he and OW did this weekend.
I'll probably try to call him back tonight, but he will be probably be with OW, so I'm sure he won't answer. I would love to put him on the spot about him and OW's weekend, but I am going to leave that leaf unturned. If he asks me, I'll just say that I went crazy. Whenever I used to ask him what he was doing, he would say going crazy. All's fair in love and war, right?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"Going crazy" sounds like the perfect answer, then. Go ahead and call and leave a message about the papers if he doesn't answer. Try to answer any specific question he had, so that you don't just play phone tag.
Continue your 180. Never pick up when he calls, but always call back in an hour or so if its convenient. If he never picks up, that's fine too. You can actually have a whole conversation by vm if you reply to the question and not just say "call me back."
Do you know what this version of the paperwork says? Do you think it will be acceptable?
Do you know what this version of the paperwork says? Do you think it will be acceptable?
His vm conveniently cut out when he said that one thing wasn't right but I couldn't hear what it was. He said that he thought we could reach an agreement. The big thing that had to be changed was the language about the equity in the house. If he got that changed, I might give a little just to get this over with. I know I am asking for way more than half, so I might be a little flexible. I would rather have a clean split with him rather than having to give him money in 2 years when I have to refi the house. If he does have the papers correct, would you still suggest that I consult an attorney just to cover my bases? Could I hire an attorney for an hour or two just to go over the papers with me?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Yes, you can consult with an attorney "by the hour" if you think the settlement is really what you want. If you are trying to save money then don't go until you are satisfied. Then the lawyer can look it over to make sure it says what you think it says.
The documents for now will say that you are "in pro persona" or "in pro per" meaning "representing yourself." If you consult with an attorney, that won't change--only if you "retain" him.
I tried to call him back and of course, no answer. Just left a short vm saying returning your call...your vm cut out, so I couldn't hear exactly what didn't get changed on the papers...give me a call. We'll see how this goes. I am detaching and staying strong. That's all I can do at this point. I need to stay out of his drama. I am doing better than I have in months, and he is not going to drag me back down.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
I like your attitude. Mine sure slipped today, but it was just a minor glitch, I'll be better tomorrow. It sure helps to have you all. It's nice to know we have each other to lean on and we're not going through this alone.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Sorry to hear about your rough day. It does help to have the support of everyone on here. I am trying to detach from not only my H but my ils as well, and it is nice to have this place to vent. Stay strong. The days will get better. We just have to keep remember that our H's are the ones that are missing out.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
