Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Dom R]

lots of more questions

1. you said you "usually" rub him in the morning. when did "usually" stop? and why?
If just when you kicked him out.. but he usually *likes* it.. i dont see why you should stop. keep showing him you love him. Just as long as he likes the way you show him.

2. 2001? he decided on 2006? WTH??? *why*???
(never heard of a WAS who actually announced their intentions.. this is way wierd)

3. why do you "repeatedly end up talking about separating?
Does he always bring it up? or do you? whats going on here??

"
Now I am putting my foot down. he said I should have put my foot down long ago. He has also said I need to be sassier. not wimpy.
"

Umm... wow. he's telling you what he wants. you are very lucky.
LISTEN TO HIM!

from that, sounds like he wants you to fight for your marriage.
The tricky bit is in figuring out how to "fight", without breaking the bond.
How did you do it, when you "put your foot down" about him staying out all the time?

Final comment:

It's not fair that after 10 years (together 12 1/2) I should be constantly wondering.

"fair"? Pffft. who said marriage was fair.

Obviously, you still have work to be done. But maybe you need to be more "'act as if' he's going to stay".
A wild shot in the dark: maybe your recent transition to "its not fair", was what pushed him into move-out mode?

PPS: maybe, rather than him "trying to be aloof", he was just confused and unsure how to act.