Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

Ack- so much to think about.
for clarifications sake-
He's been ambivalent for a couple years. Has waffled between divorce or not. I finally forced his hand because I can't stand always wondering if *this* is the fight that will end it.Lately he had been being withdrawn and mopey and resistant to doing anything with me. He was obviously not happy. It's not fair that after 10 years (together 12 1/2) I should be constantly wondering. We have tried counseling in the past. never worked.

He cannot articulate to me, what exactly is missing for him, but he just doesn't feel strongly enough. He loves me deeply and I am his best friend..BUT he thinks there might be someone better out there for him. And maybe he doesn't even want a relationship. Bottom line to him(3 days ago) we absolutely must live separately for him to figure out what he wants.

Regarding him in the bed. It is hard for me. Plus, it was SO awkward this morning. Usually I would be bringing him coffee and snuggle up to him, little bit of rubbing on the privates to get things "up" and moving. This morning I set the coffee next to the bed, told him the time and tentatively rubbed his shoulders. He was non-responsive. Given that he doesn't want to lead me on, I think he was trying to be aloof.

I agree I shouldn't buy a house. But he's convinced I should. He thinks he shouldn't have to move. (He'll be paying the mortgage on this house anyway, so he thinks he should get to live here.)

We have been up and down for many years. 2001 is when he "decided" he would be divorcing me in 2006. He expressed that he didn't know if I could "stop this train" back in 2005. (When I found out about his divorce plans.)

Because we have repeatedly ended up talking about separating over the years, he thinks it's futile, we always end up at this place and there must be a reason why and that I should "let him go."

crap- now i am more confused than ever. I can make a case for all the positions. I think he is cake eating, btw. One of the things he has mentioned is that I let him get away with having his cake and eating it too (he used to go out without me and get home at 3am,4am) and i would complain, but never put my foot down. Now I am putting my foot down. he said I should have put my foot down long ago. He has also said I need to be sassier. not wimpy.

FYI-my businesses are based out of the house and a MAJOR PITA to move. I could use that as my reasoning for why HE should move. Right now he is being agreeable; I wonder if that would make him disagreeable....
Does this influence anyones opinion?? I am still debating about setting up the other bedroom for him.....