CVA - Thread 2, Hold mode

[Not Much Left]

Hey everyone, finally decided to put something over here.

Here is a summary of my sitch.

Me: 44
W: 37
4 Kids: D11, S9, S7, S5
Sep 3.2.07 (3 times before as well)
Living in an apartment (nights mostly)
M: 13 yrs
Together: 17 yrs

WAW Background
- has initiated all 4 times, typical pattern. We are on a 2-3 yr cycle. My issues, Type A, anger - no name calling or physical, just very loud oputbursts based on my selfishness. W passive aggressive behavior but mostly passive, very silent most of our marriage and really, and I mean really only initiated "things" when she asked me out 17 yrs ago and these separations. Wife has told best friend, "dont know if he can make changes that last, I have seen this before"

- grew up w/ Alcoholic father and mother who felt / feels trapped. Dad recovering alcoholic now (right before we got together 17 yrs ago). I am being painted with his abusive tendencies and at the same time almost told outright that I was not as good a dad as he was in terms of discipline.

- MLC? Thinks she has sacrificed for me and the kids (dealing with my neediness) and raising our 4 kids to now and now it is "her time" - her words in a notebook I found.

Issues w/ CVA
- controlling (friends / family)
- anger outburst as it relates to kids
- no life other than family / work

Early & Current Events
- Early on, not so much begging, just tried to have R talks which went no where. ILY every day to now very rare. W seems to have let go a lot of initial anger toward me and "watching every move".
- CVA 180, really a "how I react thing" for me. Not so much anything physical, just emotions under control all the time.
- Recently after trip with best friend, more inclined to have me at the house daily with evening spent with her watching TV after putting kids to bed.

Other notable items;
- Kids know daddy is not home at night and "working on things". Acting as a family all but me sleeping w/ my wife at our house.
- W and I in IC as well as kids.
- D11 will not participate in C.
- Kids C sees some issues but for the most part says our kids are very happy!

Goals/objectives:
- read everything I can (DR, DB, Mort Fertel, this site, 5LL, other)
- fully recover from neck fusion surgery - check!
- GALing - happening
- make changes long -term through accountability to others (working on)
- PMA / avoid dwelling on negative thoughts - OK?.
- See a sign from W - touch, "willing to work on this"?? August?
- Avoid R talks - doing pretty well
- Keep R w/ Children strong - check

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