Wow, 789, sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Take some time before you give up.
I feel pretty hopeless, and in many ways have let go, but I would *NEVER* initiate a D. I've told her I took my vows VERY seriously, and that I'll take responsibility for the consequences if we try and it fails. But if she files for a D, those consequences (long-term effect on child) are her responsibility. This may be too direct, too threatening, I don't know. But, for many reasons, I would NEVER help a D unless there was abuse involved.
I will not help her get a divorce, she can do it. She called me back tonight and ripped into me about having her go thru a living hell for 10 years and that it is my fault this has all happened. She actually said the words that I have believed for awhile. Guess I know her better than I thought.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I will not help her get a divorce, she can do it. She called me back tonight and ripped into me about having her go thru a living hell for 10 years and that it is my fault this has all happened. She actually said the words that I have believed for awhile. Guess I know her better than I thought.
789, have you read Stop Your Divorce by Homer? Your perception of things is making this very hard on yourself. Why do you want your W back. Before things can turn around, you need to know why you want he back and then you can begin to work on getting her back. You need to reject her cold ways in order to receive her warm ways. You can't be a door mat. I am not trying to be mean, I am sure that you are a great man, it is time to man up.
Maybe read David Deida - Way of Superior Man
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
How is Stop Your Divorce different than DB or DR. As for I why I want my wife back, I can write a page of reasons, but you are right, at the moment she is not the person that I have known all these years. By all means, be mean, might help, who knows. Her comment tonight is that she had wished that when I was still drinking that I had wrapped my truck around a tree and she wouldn't have to worry about me anymore.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
She is saying that to get a reaction, of course if you were harmed she would feel like sh**. I actually said that same thing too, just not loud enough for him to hear. But I felt it for half a second. Now I regret it. She worries about you because she cares about you. Don't give up hope. Remember to rebuild that trust.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
If she was looking for a reaction, I guess I gave it to her, because my response was just as bad. I told her "I guess I wish I had too that way I wouldn't have had to keep reliving the nightmares in my head everyday."
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
With all that we have gone through, with all that she has learned about me this year, how could someone even say something like that. Is she just trying to drive me nuts, is her motive to make me drink, does she really hate me that much she wishes I was dead.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
It is a great addition. He speaks from a rational point of view which REALLY helps. DB and DR speak more about how to make changes for yourself in hopes of luring your W back. Personally, I read Stop Your Divorce a lot. When I get into a bad thinking pattern, I go straight to the book for guidance.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
