still going

[BeingMe]

Same thing has happened to a couple of guys on the forum ... Whatisis, comes to mind immediately. One has to wonder if she has always had this SSA, or is this just a recent, curiosity of hers?

All I can say now is that you should try and calm your thoughts (sometimes the stop sign method works ... when you feel your thoughts spiralling, you put up the big, red, stop sign, and tell yourself stop these thoughts ... think of something else). How would you feel if this was OM, or do you feel more betrayed because the OW was a long-time friend? Your W is clearly not emotionally stable right now, or thinking rationally. I don't think it's fair for a person to ask anyone to share them with someone else. And, you need to make that clear to your W ... that you are not willing to share her with anyone, that that is not the kind of message you want your children to get about M, and that you want your boundaries completely known to her, then stick to it.

I am really, really sorry for what you are going through. I know you feel bad about your part in the M breakdown (controlling, anger, etc.), but I am really impressed that you are here, trying so hard to find a way to repair the damage, to look inside yourself and change what needs changing. I can see that this A has knocked you for a loop, and came out of far left field.

Look, there is no point in endangering yourself, or allowing this to eat you up inside. You have to be there for your children. It doesn't seem as if your W is, or that she feels what she is doing is wrong, and that it will impact your kids much. But, it will. So, for their sake, CALM DOWN!!!! Okay!?

Once you are calm then write down how you are going to GAL, focus on goals that will help you get away from all this hurt, upset and confusion, i.e. golfing, go fishing, hang out with friends, go to the gym, spend time with the kids doing some fun activity (like ice skating, or swimming, or just at the park if young enough, movies, or whatever). Now is the time to be strong for them ... and realize that walking away is not an option. You will never forgive yourself if you did.

We are here for you. Take care.