Originally Posted By: Trip
What happens when you ask? Did I miss if your finances are separate? If not, then it is both of your issue. Or does he think otherwise because he is the breadwinner?


We are both the breadwinners, and make about the same amount of $. I pay all of the bills and he has a certain amount of $ automatically deposited into my checking account with each paycheck, so our bills are all in order and "we" are not in any financial difficulties. Now, "he" has credit cards that he got without my knowledge. After I first found out about the gambling and his huge debt (about 2 years ago), we refinanced our house, paid off the ccs and he cancelled all of the cards, except one with a small credit limit. In retrospect, that was probably "enabling" behavior and I shouldn't have done that, but I looked at it as his debt=my debt. He has had 2 slips tht I know of since that time, but I didn't offer to bail him out financially in any way. I haven't asked about his finances in awhile, but when I did ask, he says he will call, make an appt, blah, blah, blah. He's a true procrastinator in most areas- hey, maybe that's why he's still living here! I have been trying to back off, but it is so hard because I am pretty good with money and I have an MBA in finance. He is the opposite of me in that area. Before the first time that I had found out about his gambling, he forged my signature to get a loan from his retirement account. He also "borrowed" money that I had on my dresser to deposit into the kids' bank accounts (bday and Christmas gifts from the grandparents). Can you see why it is so hard to trust him?

me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08