If a man was not seeking, sexual desire, flirtation, a smile, the touch of her skin, then what exactly WOULD he be seeking from a woman? If I was dating a woman, and she only offered friendship, I would be moving on.
Do you think your wife could write:
"If a woman was not seeking financial security, emotional strength and honesty, a personal vision for his life, the depth of his leadership, then what exactly WOULD she be seeking from a man? If I was dating a man, and he only offered his penis, I would be moving on."
How close are you to what she may envision?
But then this misses the point. There is nothing wrong with wanting desire, flirtation, a smile, the touch of her skin, etc.
It gets off when men actively destroy and squelch their very self, when they practice dishonesty, when they emotionally hide themselves, when they speak words they don't mean, when they eat words that should be said, when they silently resent her, when they disguise their needs, when they covertly do X with the expectation that she should deliver Y - even when this hasn't been verbalized.
All in the guise of being "nice" and keeping the peace.
