If you're anticipating on settling for joint physical custody, be sure to stipulate in the decree, or at least include in negotiations, that neither parent can move more than X miles away while your child(ren) are still in school and still maintain joint physical custody.
It never occurred to me (or my lawyer, evidently) to include that when I divorced XH (in 1995); now XH is moving 30 miles away and every other week my S16 will have to drive himself 30 miles to school each morning, in the dark, in the weather, on back roads, on the highway. At $3.50/gallon. Plus the odds of my seeing my son during my "off" week is now nil. (Whereas now he stops in whenever he's in the neighborhood.)
And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
I know it's not the end of the world, but I'm steamed because this feels like such a selfish move on my XH's part - he couldn't have waited 2 more years?? This was NOT a job-related move or anything like that. It was purely an opportunistic one (a piece of property he happened to like went on the market). Plus, I always made sure I lived close to my S's schools and his dad's neighborhood to help make life easier for for my S. Even this apartment I just moved into.
Anyway, there ya have it. Thanks for letting me vent.
My XH's current W shares custody with her X. He lives in another county and her 2 D's go to school in THAT county. So she has to drive them to school (about 40 miles round trip 2x day) during her week with them.
FWIW, this new move will not help her one iota either. She'll just travel north-south instead of east-west.
To be clear, I'm not asking or expecting S16 to live exclusively with me, or to make any major changes. He doesn't "have" to do anything.
I'm just ticked at XH for choosing to move 30 miles away unnecessarily, just to feed his ego (it's a much larger house on lakefront property. And he telecommutes, so no skin off his...nose. Wife and kids will just have to adapt.)
Truly, it could be worse and I sooo know this. It's just something I wish I had considered at the negotiations, and if I had it to do all over again...
Yep. FWIW, though, don't make the mistake I made and waste the car time seething about it. Make it quality time with the kids and let the frustration go.
I'm just ticked at XH for choosing to move 30 miles away unnecessarily, just to feed his ego (it's a much larger house on lakefront property.
his ego?
sound to me like it's just a nicer place to live. Dang.. i'd take a *smaller* place to live, if I could have a view of a lake while I telecommuted :-) but presumably, all the houses up there are larger than where you/he was before.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
It's a fabulous place to live and about 2X his current house. Now, he's earned every bit of it; I don't begrudge him that. It's just his timing that stinks.
So, you would uproot your kids and make them commute 30 miles (vs. 1 mile, currently) just so you could see the lake every day instead of every weekend?
no i wouldnt. its not just a mom thing. i just wouldnt call it about "his ego".
to me, if he bought a $50,000 car and paraded it around town, that would be about ego.
the house thing, is just selfish. or, he figures that his son is man enough to do a little commuting. I commute around 25 miles a day, each way, to work. as a comparison.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
