This is really interesting. Another book to add to my growing list. Maybe "Mr. Nice Guy" is sort of a male version of the female martyr?
I can see the similarities. The biggest difference I see off hand is the Nice Guy need for female approval.
I don't know if seeking validation from the husband is the overriding urge from the female martyr. I think female martyrs are driven by the urge to satisfy a perceived societal demand.
Everytime I think of martyrs I always hear a cartoon that used to play on Bugs Bunny. The mommy cat would walk off saying, "I work and I slave and what thanks do I get? Boo hoo hoo."
According to Glover, "Nice Guys seek external validation in just about every social situation, but their quest for approval is the most pronounced in their relationships with women. Nice Guys interpret a woman's approval as the ultimate validation of their worth. Signs of a woman's approval can take the form of her desire to have sex, flirtatious behavior, a smile, a touch, or attentiveness. At the other end of the spectrum, if a woman is depressed, in a bad mood, or angry, Nice Guys interpret these things to mean that she is not accepting or approving of them. {...}
Seeking a woman's approval:
requires Nice Guys to constantly monitor the possibility of a woman's availability.
give women the power to set the tone of the relationship.
gives women the power to define men and determine their worth.
creates rage toward women.
So, I see a huge difference in motivation between the two.
And I've got Alice Cooper in my head too and that's just not right for a Monday. :Q
