H is looking for quick fixes, that's why he attempted to initiate the intimacy (though in the form of a question). He saw some forward progress (albeit small), and tried to take the bull by the horns. Being that you haven't been intimate very much at all in quite some time, he's also likely thinking that this is something YOU need too, and that if he can just get you there that things might begin turning around altogether. Like you, I can't read his mind, but this is how I perceive things.
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When we got home I told him I didn’t say that to hurt him but I just didn’t feel that way about him just yet. I mean we are not even holding hands or kissing or touching…Why would I want to jump in the sack? I continue to wonder if he is an idiot.
Just wanted to say that you have a good sense of humor, and even though I feel for your H and his ignorance as to the best way to work things out with you, I must say I found this a little funny! And many of us men are, in fact, idiots. So your H has a lot of company!
It's too bad that H hasn't figured out what your needs are right now, but he's trying. It was nice that he stayed at sis' house for you and D4 the other night, and that he has kept some distance and isn't begging, crying, etc. Try to remember the skills that he DOESN'T HAVE right now to save this M, and try to see that he is trying. Give him time and he might just come around. Remember Nomo -- took him 15 months to figure it out, and now look where he is? He is a DBing king -- your H could get there eventually too.
Also, what is more important to you -- the concerts or drawing a boundary with H? Have you really lined out what your needs are right now and what you need from him if there is any chance to save this M? Tell him that you'd like to do the separate day thing with the first concert, and that you're willing to go with him to the second one. If you truly need space, you're going to have to give it to yourself as much as H needs to give it to you. Politely and respectfully decline invitations to be at the same place together, and if he acts sad or wants to know why, just remind him that it is counterproductive to saving the M to be around him more than absolutely necessary right now.
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I am really thinking this will give him the wrong idea since he seems to missing the point completely still.
You're most likely right. I mean, look at all of us LBSs -- we look at ANYTHING that isn't negative as a positive sign. If my W was willing to go to a concert with me I'd probably wet myself with anticipation!
