Something that TVN and myself have going against us is that we are men that have a strong inclination to LOGICAL thinking. TVN is a porogrammer and I am an accountant. Everything we do is LOGICAL THINKING. We are SOLUTION oriented. And guess what, this is everything that women are NOT. We can not apply OUR techniques to ANYTHING in marriage, since marriage is almost completely ILLOGICAL. Who would ever think that being Mr Nice guy is the WORST thing you can do in marriage. Who would ever think that women constantly try to destroy their own marriages just to see if the guy has enough balls to actually FIGHT for her. Or to think that women can only desire men that would be willing to DUMP them if they do become LD, rather then honor their marriage vows. This goes AGAINST everything in my LOGICAL world.
TVN, you will have to think WAY othside the box, forget about fixing the situation, forget about addressing the problems. Read those books, they won't solve your problem, that is for HER alone to do. They will hopefully make you into a man, a soild rock, and THAT is what she needs. Think of it as everything she does is to TEST you, and you must respond with conviction.
Cemar, I strongly recommend a book I just got through reading. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover. He has a website HERE.
The page with the list of Nice Guy Syndrome symptoms is HERE..
Nice Guys:
are givers.
fix and caretake.
seek approval from others.
avoid conflict.
believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
seek the "right" way to do things.
repress their feelings.
often try to be different from their fathers.
are often more comfortable relating to women than to men.
have difficulty making their needs a priority.
often make their partner their emotional center.
The author asks, "So, what's wrong with being a nice guy?"
And he answers, "The term Nice Guy is actually a misnomer because Nice Guys are often anything but nice. Here are some not-so-nice traits of Nice Guys.
Nice Guys:
are dishonest.
are secretive.
are compartmentalized.
are manipulative.
are controlling.
are passive-aggressive.
are full of rage.
are addictive.
have difficulty setting boundaries.
are frequently isolated.
are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing.
have problems in intimate relationships because:
they are often terrible listeners because they're too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person.
their fear of conflict often leads them to be dishonest and rarely available to work all the way through a problem.
have issues with sexuality.
are usually only relatively successful (fail to live up to their full potential).
The opposite of "Nice Guy" isn't "jerk". It isn't about going from one extreme to the other. It isn't about becoming "not nice".
It is about becoming "integrated". The author writes, "Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self. An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion as well as his imperfections, his mistakes and his dark side."
Not alpha. Not some hollywoodized version of masculinity.
Real. It means becoming real.
Like I said, I highly recommend it and think most of the men here would greatly benefit from reading it.
