Today has not been a good start. After staying up a good portion of the night thinking about how I don't see my son every day and how upsetting it is, I've let my mind wonder.
I'm so convinced that there is more than the EA, and I have no proof. We haven't had contact since I dropped off S yesterday, the one that went great, but I just can't stop the thoughts today. None of it is making sense and I just do not think I can live like this. The more I think about it the more I want to file and move on. I won't, I'd give anything 48 right now.
This is just killing me, I've dropped 15 lbs in 2 weeks. I'm sick all the time, can't eat, nothing sounds good. Well I do have a free session with counseler who I know personally tomorrow. He doesn't want to see me, being friends as we are, but he's trying to get me in touch with someone to continue with.
I just think after 10 years together, 7 married, I'm owed some explanation. Tell me you have found someone and want to go, just come clean but quit the lying.
Like I said she has sworn up and down to me that there are no men in her place, the EA is gay, and I have no proof whatsoever. I just can't wrap my little mind around any of this right now.
Also, I seem to notice that I am fine until I see my parents. They came by last night and seem convinced that she has either snapped or is having an A. By the time they leave I'm so worked up I can't control the anger. I think I need to just stay away from them for a while, they are driving me crazy.
