Stewart, sorry I didn't check in over the weekend, I tend not to come on here on the weekend.
They are so confused right now they don't now if they are coming or going, my H got his own phone account, at the time he was still in the A but he also did it because he thought it meant independance! Now he regrets it as its costing to much and he can't get out of the contract for awhile! They all seem to go through this type of thing, just ignore it and focus on other things. I do have alot of friends that have separate accounts who have no marriage problems, so try not to worry about it to much.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
I can understand being worried about the bank account thing but if its something she had mentioned before this may be just part of her working on GAL herself. I wouldn't worry too much! I work in financial services (lots of estate planning) and tell all my clients to maintain credit and bank accounts in their own names as well as spouses because if something happens, death/divorce/disablity its very hard for the spouse without individual accounts to move on finanically in a crisis.
Besides having a small account with "pin" money in it may give her some feeling of independence. I personally have always maintained a separate acct in my own name. It means nothing in regards to the M. Its just my "allowance" so to speak and I do not have to answer to H about spending x amount of money on something he finds frivolous. My allowance, my choice to spend it foolishly on shoes, clothes, etc. This has actually helped our M because the personal purchases are no longer up for debate.
Yes, the rollercoaster. Sounds like she is feeling a lot of different things. Great news that she said the words, ILY. It means at least she is thinking about you! I don't think I have said this at all to my H since we have been going through this. I don't want to give him false hopes and I need to really mean it when I say it. Try not to put any pressure on though. I know this is like baiting you to make a move but be patient and let her be the one to take any "next steps".
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
I know about the account. It just is the timing of it that scares me, with her wanting to get an apartment and all.
Had a terrible weekend. Yesterday she decided to go shopping with female friend. I went to baseball game with friend. Had a few (3)beers, it was 98 degrees out. Sat with my godmother, uncle and little cousin for 6 innings. When we got back from game went to dinner with that friend and his fiance and my wife. Dinner was great, we laughed shared part of her reuben. She had 2 beers couple of shots, I had 1 beer (didn't even finish). We get home and she attacks me. Tells me that I was wasted. I told her that I wasn't had a few beers at the game, beer at dinner, I am not drunk. Well, she storms out of here with a prepacked bag and tells me she is going to her female friends' house. I am the ultimate DB'er (sarcasm abound) I did the worst thing. I went to her female friends' house. Her car is not there. I head on my way home and decide in all my infinite wisdom decided to head to the male friend's house that she goes to lunch with and to the gym with after work. Low and behold her car is there. I freak out. And here I am. Sick as a dog and gonna miss another day of work. I don't know what to do. She swore up and down she was not involved with someone.
Sorry to hear about your latest sitch. You know there are some good signs there and it sounds like she is confused. If she was really so much into this other person why would she be calling you and spending time with you.
Keep your chin up, don't make any rash decisions and keep DB'ing.
I am so sorry that your weekend turned out the way it did! Did you confront her were she was or drive away? I hope you drove away. Now is the time to allow for things to cool down. When you speak to her don't bring it up, don't accuse, nothing, be nice and just play things by ear! I know how hard this is, and I know what a worry you being off work can be, but you let one of the partners knows so hopefully they will cut you some slack. I was lucky that way, I had alot of time off over my sit, fortunatley my supervisor is one of my best friends, and she was the first person to know what was going on, also I have worked with this employer for almost 11 years and have a good track record, so they gave me alot of slack! I am sure you employer will do the same!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
She is on her way back to condo. We talked about it over the phone. She said she was too upset to drive all the way over to female friends. This guy is her supervisor and she works in hospital. That he is her friend and has helped her alot lately.
I did not confront her there. She does not know that I was there. I just asked her why she wouldn't answer me where she was when we talked last night. Do you think it is appropriate for a male supervisor to have one of their employees sleeping at their house? At the very least this has to be an emotional affair, based upon what she has said so far.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1162413&page=2#Post1162413 M-28 W-28 Together 10 years Married 2 years No children Things started taking a turn in 01/07
Maybe, maybe not. You don't know for sure. Listen - you can do yourself a lot of favors in your sitch, which has hope if you ask me, by keeping your cool here and recognizing that your emotions are highly charged (understandably so). There is nothing you may think of to say or do that has to be said or done right away. So don't. Follow the 48-hour rule. Use the people on these boards to think things through clearly. Ok?
When is she coming? Remember, listen and use a lot of "yes," "uh huh," "ok" and "I understand." She wants to talk. You listen. You don't have to talk. If she asks you a direct question, don't hesitate to say "I'm not sure" or "I need to think about it" or "I don't know."
Good luck, Nomopo
Remember - calm, cool, collected. You're the stable one. Show her that. Be the person you want to be.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
