I read this today. It makes sense.

[mkultra]

Yes, I agree. I wonder for what I am holding on to so tightly? I cannot see clearly and I am not trusting of my therapist or mother. I try to go wih my head and heart but I am not so sure why I am holding on so tightly. I want to let go, but my close proximity to my H makes it so hard to detach. Maybe that is an excuse for contact. We play together, swim together, eat together, sometimes go to the movies together but all under the guise of being a united family to the kids. Our moments of intimacy and eye contact are gone. I hoped happy family times would remind him of some spark but it is just a shell of the real thing. I need to go dark but I do not know how.