I just wandered around the back yard having it out with MIL. Hopefully, when I have to face her, I'll have the cool, calm, relationship samurai face in place, 'cause what was saying to her just now would probably not be "helpful".
When I can really get into the forebrain with my sitch (I know, reading my posts would lead you to believe I'm not spending much time there, but I am), it some times makes a lot of sense: She is a deeply flawed person (as am I, as we all are), she was always terrifed that I would leave her, I was always terrified that she would cheat on me. She cheated on me, and just can't understand why I won't leave her. She feels really, really low.
Her folks had a shockingly bad divorce (Father slept with mother's sister, later broke mother's arm in front of 6yo W), father remarried within 3 months, that marriage has lastled primarily because it is more business arrangement than love.
Father pulled some really low tricks to get full custody, was a real tyrant, and taught her that anyone she loves requires absolute perfection and cannot allow her to have any needs of her own (classic emotional incest syndrome). The only time she cried at our wedding was when she danced with her dad, and during the post-bomb shakedown actually told me she was happiest about giving birth to our son because she saw it as a chance to have a better R with her dad (he loves kids, and in a way that makes me extremely nervous).
So, yeah. She wants to make it work, knows that what she is doing is wrong, but just can't take the pain of really looking at herself and her role in our current sitch. She doesn't believe in herself enough to think that she can fix what she has broken, and continues to look for answers outside of herself (i.e., OM, my actions in our R, anything but herself).
Somewhere upthread I said I could write a book about her psyche. And you didn't believe me...
