Stillme & the Plan

[Nomopo]

I am so glad your trip was awesome! I am still jealous. And, again, that picture is very cool! I am guessing there is one with you in it, but you didn't care to go public yet.

I am SOOOOO angry at H! I am finding it very hard to find ANY positive adjectives to describe him.

You have every right to be, and I doubt there are any appropriate positive adjectives.

All this time, he has been blaming me, making me out to be the Source of All Things Bad in the R & the reason why the M would not work out, being ugly & disrespectful to me, spewing & acting blameless himself, plus focusing on the financial "stress" and strain caused by my "refusal to get a 'real' job" as his motivating factor in his anger & hatred towards me . . .plus actively plotting to NOT pay child support (by "setting a precident" [his words] for keeping the kids 50% of the time] AND to NOT pay alimony b/c I don't "deserve" it . . . all the while he has been having an A!!

Yep, and I can assure you he would say (and a superficial level may believe) that she is irrelevant and immaterial to what is happening between the two of you. Which, of course, ia absurd, but don't be surprised if and when you hear it.

He has had the kids CALL THIS WOMAN to "talk about the dog"! He has told the kids that his having a GF is okay b/c he doesn't love me anymore, and is not living w/me! He is sleeping w/her in his bedroom WHILE MY KIDS ARE IN THE NEXT ROOM! How the he!1 more disrespectful to me, M in gen'l & our "R" (no matter what form it is currently) can he be?!!! Does he not consider AT ALL what this crap is doing to the kids?! I think of him & see a monster.

This is AWFUL. I am so sorry. I guess the disrespect to you and the M shouldn't surprise me. After all, he's been disrespecting you for a while. But I am STUNNED about how he is conducting himself vis-a-vis your kids. If he is doing nothing wrong, then why tell your D (and S?) not to tell mommy? And talk about using the kids by telling them to keep it secret from mom!! Awful. And sad. Again, sorry. (((((stillme)))))

Of course, he doesn't consider himself "M'd"; he has no respect for me or our R (such that it is) but WTF?! In the eyes of our little children (much less the law & God), he is STILL F'ING MARRIED!!! Acting like this behavior is NORMAL in front of a 6 & 9 yr old is acceptable in what universe?! THIS from a man who wouldn't let his kids see Shrek for the language involved! It is beyond understandable.

Oh, you said everything I was thinking, if I had just read farther. Sorry.

BFF & her H were urging me to, basically, file for D myself but -HA! - I still cannot do it. I still feel strongly that I am to stand for my M. (Is that weird of what?!)

Good for you! Not at all weird, if you ask me (or any of the rest of us who have had spouses in As.

break-my-heart tears from D when she said at the end, "I just want to go back to the beginning, when I was a baby and everything was good."

I asked if they knew what M was, and said it was basically a promise 2 people made to each other & to God that, no matter what, they would stay M'd. I asked if they thought it was ok that daddy had a GF. At the same time, S said "No" and D said "I guess so", and they went back & forth w/each other about it. We ended by talking about how one day M & D MAY very well be D'd & then it would be okay (by the law & by God & by each other) that there be GF's & BF's but until then daddy was making a bad choice to have a GF, and to say that it was okay, and to tell the kids to NOT tell were also bad choices.

I am sorry he put you in this position.

D's prayer at bedtime: "Dear God, please help daddy think about his bad choices and about what it means to be M'd. Help him remember to talk to You and ask You what he should be doing. I just want everyone to do what's good and right. . ."

Bless her heart...

Glad you had a great trip, glad your back with us, sorry for all the toughness. Big hugs, of course. (((((j)))))

Nomopo