Hi- I just changed my screen name from sadmomof3. Here's a summary of my sitch: H and I will be married for 10 years in September. We are still living together and we have 3 kids, b/g twins who are 7 and a 1 year old. We both work full-time and are extremely busy. We've had some especially bad moments over the last couple of years, but I always thought we loved each other and would work through them and stay together. H has a gambling problem and is in recovery, but I am still have a hard time trusting him. He lost a lot of money and has had 2 major slips that I'm aware of since he told me about his problem a little over 2 years ago. Well, in early May, we had a big fight stemming from him coming home late one night from a GA meeting. Since that argument, he has been unable to tell me ILY and he has changed the way he relates to me. His major issues with me are a lack of intimacy and my temper. He has told me that he is sick of feeling lousy and that he is leaning toward leaving. We've been to 2 JC sessions and 1 each individually, with a C that I don't plan to see again. I found a goal-oriented C and have an appointment for 7/19. I just hope H will come with me.
I've been trying to DB for the last couple of weeks and think I'm doing OK. This whole change in our R has been like a slap in the face to me, I really feel like I've changed my attitude and I'm now a much more patient and positive person. I've been successful at not bringing up the R, but I can't stand the distance that is between us. I want to TALK, really TALK to him, but we don't do that. We don't fight either, but we do talk about lots of non-R stuff (kids, sports, friends, etc.) He's been sleeping on the couch on and off and I realized over the weekend that sleeping in our bed is probably a weekend thing, maybe for the kids' sake?
After a day with the kids on Friday, I told him that I needed some time to myself so I went out shopping alone after dinner. I hardly ever go out by myself at night. It was nice to get out and I bought a few things for the house and the Sex Starved Marriage book (sigh...) So, I've started reading the book and would like to have him read it too. It's a "couples guide", so I know it's written for both of us, but I'm worried about bringing it up since I'm not supposed to start discussions on the R. He NEVER starts R talks- what to do?
Thanks for reading. If you want more background, my last thread is in my signature below.
We've been to 2 JC sessions and 1 each individually, with a C that I don't plan to see again. I found a goal-oriented C and have an appointment for 7/19. I just hope H will come with me.
