Atlas, Sounds like things are going well for you. I hope things continue down that path. I also have had a hard time finding that book, but I think the library has a copy. I am going to check tomorrow. Has anyone heard of a book called passages? The C recommended it to my wife. Matt
Thanks Matt-14 for the reply, I have not hear of Passages.
So a little complaint.
I was to excited today about the positives, but the more I dwell on this the more it hurts. My W told me that each night S cries to sleep asking for me. I'm so torn up about it. I have asked a few times to have a good night call with him, but she won't. If I call at night, which I have stopped, she sends it to VM and I just say I was calling to tell S goodnight. What is going on with that? Doesn't she realize that he needs me and I him? I'm lost on it. What do I do?
Another rant. I have never known a person to pursue a married individual. I can't believe this goes on. Maybe I should rephrase, I have had advances by married women, but have always turned away. I can't believe these people. Friend and I were talking about it the other day, and we both agreed on something I said, If I ever had a friend doing this, I would confront him/her and then say as long as this continues we are done. I just couldn't be a friend to someone who does this type of behavior. I guess people are as bad and immoral as I have always suspected.
Today has not been a good start. After staying up a good portion of the night thinking about how I don't see my son every day and how upsetting it is, I've let my mind wonder.
I'm so convinced that there is more than the EA, and I have no proof. We haven't had contact since I dropped off S yesterday, the one that went great, but I just can't stop the thoughts today. None of it is making sense and I just do not think I can live like this. The more I think about it the more I want to file and move on. I won't, I'd give anything 48 right now.
This is just killing me, I've dropped 15 lbs in 2 weeks. I'm sick all the time, can't eat, nothing sounds good. Well I do have a free session with counseler who I know personally tomorrow. He doesn't want to see me, being friends as we are, but he's trying to get me in touch with someone to continue with.
I just think after 10 years together, 7 married, I'm owed some explanation. Tell me you have found someone and want to go, just come clean but quit the lying.
Like I said she has sworn up and down to me that there are no men in her place, the EA is gay, and I have no proof whatsoever. I just can't wrap my little mind around any of this right now.
Also, I seem to notice that I am fine until I see my parents. They came by last night and seem convinced that she has either snapped or is having an A. By the time they leave I'm so worked up I can't control the anger. I think I need to just stay away from them for a while, they are driving me crazy.
I'm so convinced that there is more than the EA, and I have no proof.
You can't be convinced if you have no proof -- and PLEASE don't get a wild hair up your yahoo and begin snooping, as you know this kind of behavior can EXPLODE in your face. I just had to say that because it sounds like you're headed in this direction.
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Tell me you have found someone and want to go, just come clean but quit the lying.
It's easy to feel that this is the case, but you just don't know it is. I agree that the parents' opinions might be influencing these feelings, but that doesn't mean that the feelings are legitimate. WAS's leave with no lingering OP a lot (mine did), so you have to remain positive that this is the case with you. These are heavy emotions flying around in your head and heart right now, so make sure you exercise the 48 hr rule (like you said you would) before doing or saying ANYTHING.
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I think I need to just stay away from [my parents] for a while, they are driving me crazy.
Sounds like a good plan. Also, the next time you have to see them you might try to explain to them that you love their support, but some of the things they are saying are getting you more upset than anything.
(((Atlas))) I know you can weather this storm, bro -- the sun will come back out! Keep DBing!
Let me ask you Atlas, if there is more than an EA, does it make a difference? I mean, I obesses over that soemtimes too, but in the end I tell myself that it doesn't matter because this is not my W right now, this is a person that is very confused and vunerable, in the end I love my W and I want her back no matter what, as far as a possible PA, well I have to ability to forgive and I also have my IC to deal with those negative feelings.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
Dustin is right. Also, you have no control over this even if she was. You control you, and the choices you make and the way you carry yourself and behave will influence things the most. Confronting her will push her further away, OM or not. It is a no win situation. Just act as if, and try to put it out of your mind.
thanks for the encouragement, it is needed. GD your right, I sat there all night checking out key recorders for the home PC, since she uses it a couple of times a week. I decided that is a 48 hour decision, and after some thought today it wouldn't be a good idea. I already know where I stand, she is disappointed in me for my lack of showing her love and respect, by doing the key recorder it wouldn't be respecting at all.
Like Dustin said, even if I confirm there is a PA, I already wrote my goals and that is to try and do everything to keep this M and family together. I just have to stick to em. I love her and while the her trust account with me is virtually empty, I don't think mine is with her, and by snooping I'll only lose in her trust and love.
Well lunch was a positive contact, she called and asked if she could use the computer at our house. Told her no problem, then she said that S is missing me and she would like it if she could come back with him this evening and he could see me. I was delighted. Don't know if she wanted to also see me, but I suggested we take him to this family fun center, he loves the arcade and little kids play ground. She said yes, then backed out and said why don't you just take him. I'm going to relax and what for you guys. So I guess that is a plus, sucks she won't come though. I guess we will see what happens later, she could change her mind.
So what if she doesn't go? There is very little chance that she won't be thinking about y'all, even if she's not really aware of it.
From my experience, be very careful of your parents. Accept their support and their love, but don't let their hostility get to you. Remember, you are their little boy, and they will have to be defensive about "what she is doing to you".
My dad and I had a really rocky time when I was a kid, now he wants to be leader of my fan club. He was always enamored with W, now says he could never see her again without the posibility of violence. Parents are funny, don't let them get you off the track that you have chosen.
