I think Altas's concern here isn't that he's chasing her, but that all this time together isn't productive in terms of what she needs. She seems to need space, but having Atlas around all the time isn't meeting that need. I could be wrong here, but that is my interpretation of his concern.
Altas, if there is a way for you to see your son on those days too without your W being around, maybe consider that. Or, if you think it wouldn't hurt (and actually help because it shows you're trying to give her time and space), bring up this concern about smothering to your W and see what she says. Yes, it's R talk, but I think it may be appropriate in this circumstance.
I would try to go over more often and see how that sits. If she is positive then you can use more of the skills you have learned. If not, then cut back the time there by taking your son out.
Well just gave that a shot and had it rubbed in my face. Called and said I would like to take S to lunch. No problem. About 5 minutes before I was going to go get him, she calls, oh we are at the pool. Can you just bring him lunch here, or do it another time.
So i went and got him some fast food, and meet them at the pool. Got her her diet and she was happy. Well there is W in a bikini, haven't seen that in a while, she looks good too. Told her as I was leaving.
Having a good time with S, and she tells me that her and lawyer friend are going to file probably next week. So we will see.
I wanted to post, needed to air. Not much is going on, I went to a comedy show with a good group of people last night. Really didn't feel natural without her there. I did my best and had a good time, but it sucks.
W dropped off the son this morning and had a list of todo's for the son. She said he needed a haircut and asked if I could do that and some new clothes. I took him out to a little kid haircut place, all I can say is that is amazing compared to the regular barber. Not a peep and he loved it. I got him some new clothes and shoes.
Odd part was that she showed up about 20 minutes early and asked if she could sit down and have a cup of coffee. We talked and she told me she was having a girls night out tonight, told her to have a good time. Other then that we pretty much relaxed and just talked. S was playing in his room, so if she wanted to start in on me I'm sure she would have. No mention of the D, or if she is still planning on it. She did mention that she is feeling emotionally better.
Not sure how to take it, the W will make decisions stick to them and slowly she will feel better about it, so i'm trying not to think that she is happy about her decision to leave and file for the D. I guess I just keep playing the DB'er and wait and see.
she showed up about 20 minutes early and asked if she could sit down and have a cup of coffee. We talked and she told me she was having a girls night out tonight, told her to have a good time.
I think it's good that she was comfortable enough and made the request to sit and talk with you. She could've easily just came in, picked up S and mentioned the girls night out on her way out the door (was she coming by to pick up S? Where is S staying while she's out?)
Also, I think you did great on simply saying "have a good time" regarding the girls night out (I bet it felt good afterwards, too!). How was you tone when you said it? 5LL talks about tone being more important than the words that are spoken.
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Not sure how to take it, the W will make decisions stick to them and slowly she will feel better about it, so i'm trying not to think that she is happy about her decision to leave and file for the D. I guess I just keep playing the DB'er and wait and see.
You got it! Time and patience, my friend! You're sounding better and better, Atlas. Bravo!
She was dropping him off, sorry I wasn't real clear. I was just reading your post, I need to go buy the 5LL tonight and get started on it. I'm getting sick of reading everything on the same subject, but me small irritation is nothing to the desire I have for her to make her way back.
Well my GAL just ended! The tour is on. I'm glued to the TV for the rest of the month. Haha! I feel horrible, I have been lifting but no riding, the guys I ride with are starting to question. So I'm going to have to cut the time out of the day and get back out there. What really makes it tough is that I had a huge race planned for September, training, diet, everything. Then work shot that to crap and I have to go out of town that weekend. So the whole first half the year down the tube.
Well just wanted to post that I'm having fun glued to the TV, too bad my DVR died today.
Today was a positive. W asked if I could drop off S. I showed planning to do the drop say something positive and then go. When I arrived W asked if I had time to sit and talk. I was not excited about this, I just can't talk anymore D talk. Well she just wanted to chat. Nothing heavy, and W is back to calling it our seperation. I stayed for about an hour and played with my S, she even commented how great of a dad I am, "it just comes natural to you." I was stocked, her first real compliment since the split.
Well she had a girls night out last night and I didn't ask anything. When I asked her how she was doing, she said great but then a few minutes later she told me she was having second thoughts. I did IMAGO and she stated that every few days she has a panic attack about what she was doing. She said last night she ended up cutting the night early because of one. After the emphathizing I told her if she needed to talk just let me know. I got another thank you and her happy smile. THRILLED! Well not that she isn't feeling to well, but the positive comments make me feel good.
She took it upon herself to make sure I saw her in her bikini again, that is just killing me. I mean neither of us look like we did in college, but to me that is the sexist women alive, hands down!
That all sounds so great! Those seeds of doubt are sprouting quickly, so just keep doing exactly what you're doing (which has been awesome!). Do you know her love language yet? I would start working some of that in here and there too, then monitor the results.
So I have driven all over the place today and no one has the Five Love Languages, online there is the regular version and the version for him. Which should I purchase? Any answers are greatly appreciated.
