Sorry to hear about your wallet but don't let that bring you down from the high from your vacation with the kids.
It certainly does sound like you've got your groove back so continue to move forward. The WAS does not like to hear that the LBS is getting on with their life and that possibly the LBS is actually happier. You will find that someone special one day and your H will realize what he has lost.
Continue to focus on YOU and your kids and of course your dog too.
Hugs, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Oh Nicola you are so awesome. I am glad you all enjoyed yourself. I am just like you when I go on trips with the boys. For one I am so used to him not going alot and when he did go he usually ruined it for all of us by yelling and being so negative about every little thing.
I am off to check out your pictures!!
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
Saw the Disney pictures Nic. Looks like so much fun and you look gorgeous. I swear our h's have lost it!!!!!!
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
ISLH - the photos are on MySpace. There are only three right now.
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The kids are with H today and tonight.
I took the opportunity to go through some video on Hi-8 to see what's on it and get stuff transferred to DVD. There is some really cute stuff of both kids when they were babies, toddlers and preschoolers. At one time, H was pretty into videotaping them, esp D10.
In one tape, D10 (then 4) interviewed each of us separately. It was summer 2001, and I was a few months pg with S5. She asked H to tell her some bad news! He answered, "I hate my job and I'm ready to quit; we have no money; I feel like my life is in a rut."
I said, "That's too depressing for posterity!"
He shrugged and said, "We can erase it."
Then, D asked him for some good news. He had to think about it for a few seconds (unlike the bad news), and finally said, "Mummy's got a bun in the oven, and you're going back to daycare in the fall!"
Two years later, there's footage of us at Cape Cod, with close-ups of me swimming and getting out of the water (Bo Derek style!), also taken by H.
So what does this tell me? It was bittersweet to see this. I know that H adored D - still does, as much as he can - and I know that he was once happy with us, regardless of what he says. I know that he was getting depressed at least four years before he left, and I know that he still cared about me enough to shoot video of me (that I didn't even know about) two years before.
I also know that as far back as 2001, he thought he was stagnating. And it had nothing to do with me.
I'm going to make the copies of these, and I will give copies to him. Not to make him feel guilty, or make him "see the light," or anything like that. But because this time is a part of his past, and I know that he will like to see the children when they were younger. I don't even know that he will see the sadness in this.
One thing I also learned is that I've come so far in two years. I never thought I would be able to look at this with anything but sadness, yet I can smile, too, at the good memories. And there were some, there were some.
Love, N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I think that says a lot that you can watch those videos without just sadness. It shows your strength.
I was just thinking about going through this huge box I have of family photos. Up until now I haven't had the courage to look at them. I had them tucked away in a closet. I need to go through them and sort them out. I plan to put the ones with H in a box for d7 to have someday. I don't know what else to do with them. I also have some videos of holidays and some vacations. I think in my sitch --if I made my H a copy of these at this point and gave them to him, he would think I was trying to make him feel guilty or it was being manipulative in some way. I don't think he is ready for any reminders of our past together.
Do you feel like your H's feelings for you are gone like I do? Today when I saw my H he was so cold, distant, and really does act like he has erased our past together. He shows no interest in me at all. When I am in the same room as him he looks at d and directs all of his conversation to d. I'm invisable. I feel like he is never going to love me again. Do you feel this way too?
I honestly don't know if he ever really loved me. I don't say that in a "woe is me" tone, though - I just don't know that he's really capable of love the same way I am. In fact, he's told me that he doesn't know what love is and doesn't know how to love (his words), although apparently that changed when he met his gf. I'm not sure that deep change can occur, however, when it is dependent on someone else. He thought he loved me at one time too.
I don't think my H's feelings are totally gone, but I don't know what remains. He is still somewhat uncertain around me and tries to impress me. He looks. The difference now is that what we had is not enough for me anymore, and he would have to make a lot of changes in order to make a M with me work - changes I don't think he has an interest in making, as it would be a lot of work. And who am I to ask him to do that? I don't know if he's happy now or not, but that's not my concern anymore.
I have to say that, for me, when I decided I was ready for the D, I was was FINALLY able to move ahead with my life. I really could not do that before. I know that other people can, but I just couldn't.
I hope your D is doing okay this evening.
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
It's interesting that you mentioned home videos, Nicola. My D16 started watching some of ours recently. Maybe she is looking for clues, too. I think making a copy for my H would be a nice thing to do. I have no idea how he would react, but I think it would make D16 happy.
My d is doing fine today but this is always the case as long as she is with me. Thanks for asking. Did you read my post today? H thinks d needs medication to help her- what a jerk!
I don't know if my H ever really loved me either. I don't think he knows what real love is and how to maintain a long term R. I feel the same that my H would have to make a lot of changes before I would consider our M again. I have changed and realized so many things about myself and about what it takes to have a successful R. I don't think my H is capable or would ever be willing to WORK at our M.
