Yes, what would you like to know? Is she being treated with medication? They are VERY difficult people to deal with. They are manipulative and will seek out medical advice from different doctors until they hear what they want to hear. This is a difficult personality disorder to work with. Do you have specific questions?
she has yet to seek counselling for it nor do i think she will. in fact she doesnt know she has it , my counselor told me but since my wife wont go she wont find out. she has so many of the characterisitics and also the history of abuse and abandoment to go with it. after her latest major pull back i have realized her problems are aot deeper then just a bout of depresion from her dads death.
Whatever you do, don't tell her that she has these issues. Try to speak to her gently and ask for her to join you, maybe. Don't tell her that she has problems. People go nuts when they are labeled with a personality disorder, specifically. Let your counselor work with you on how to be with your W. She needs counseling especially with her father passing away. She never had counseling to deal with her abuse?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
tell you the truth onewish i think i am done. over 7 months a major break through and major pull back. i just don't think in the long run it is in my best interest. depression i can handle, but the fact that her issues are so deep this could be a life long battle. for her to tell my one day she loves me and wants to try and start dating and then the next i am confused and maybe we shouldn't try dating. the way she feels about herself she isn't capable of loving me the way i deserve. whether she is able to come out of it i don't know but it doesn't look like it. she has certainly sabatoged her own happiness. she should be working a normal workday and coming home and chilling by the pool but instead she has decided to work two jobs fulltime so she can afford her life.
she has had counselling but i don't think it was that extensive. i think as big an issue as the abuse is the fact that her mother swept it under the rug, and also her mother abandoned her and her sister several times when they were young because she was binging.
tell you the truth onewish i think i am done. over 7 months a major break through and major pull back. i just don't think in the long run it is in my best interest.
It will be challenging. Do you have kids? You can do it, it is just going to take time and patience. Sounds like you don't want to try. I am sure that she received Master's level counseling, which is not sufficient enough to address borderline personality disorders. She will need to be monitored, preferrably by a psychiatrist or receiving PhD level counseling. You have to remember, that she will have to want to address these issues, which is the tough part. All you can do is work on you. A lot of people succeed by letting to, getting a life and that seems to work usually. What role did you play in the relationship?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
what do you mean what role? i have a strong personality and after her dad died there was a constant control strong with her drinking. i am letting go i do have a life and i am doing well, but i miss the wife i knew before her dad died. i don't think she has the strength to go find out what is going on with her. she knows she needs counselling but i think she will take the easy way out.
by the way that website is a big help.
did you have a relationship with someone with bpd?
did you have a relationship with someone with bpd?
I am a Masters level counselor. No, I haven't been with someone like that. I have a colleague who is working with a lady with borderline personality disorder and others, and she is a NIGHTMARE!
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
she said i was controlling. i gave her a hard time about her staying out late at night shorty after our marriage. i now realize that she was grieving her dads death. she mis interpreted my caring for controlling.
my wife doesn't have all the qualities of bpd. there is none of the self mutilation or stuff like that. her whole behavior really only seems to be geared towards me.
very insecure sabotage relationships seemed to turn love off all of a sudden, devaluation empty, depressed entitlement delusional or odd thinking. def. abandoment problems.
I am very sorry for your trials. I am biased as I saw this happen to my sister in law's sister. She practically abandoned her family and threw away a wonderful husband and life. She is a sweet and caring person. Beautiful but disabled. Her meds have since been better regulated but she has lost her family since with great regret. Her husband probably would have cared for her but she sought isolation due to her anxiety. She truly is remorseful two years after the divorce. I wish her husband could have lasted those last two years, in hindsight. She is so much better now. Now the family has been torn apart. Hang in there. No one would blame you for feeling the way you do. There may be a light at the end of the tunnel. She may say things she does not mean. Sorry for my bias.
Last edited by mkultra; 07/09/0705:31 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
