Madonna/Whore Complex - Part 6

[Heywyre]

Hi CM - yes, I am doing ok for the most part.

Had the usual ups and downs and a heated discussion yesterday (pretty much about nothing) but things are smoothed out today (just a few bad memories)

The next couple of weeks are going to be rough. ST is on holidays and our next appointment isn't until the 23rd. But maybe this is a good test. After all, we can't rely on him forever now can we? Eventually we will have to fly the coup and be on our own. It's just right now I feel I still have my pin feathers and can barely glide, let alone fly.

Yesterday we went to a barbeque with a bunch of people where I just started working. I was a little reluctant, as I don't like those things at the best of times, but I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet some people and also put myself out there a little (GAL you know). I was bound and determined I was going to go regardless of whether or not H went. Yesterday was (apparently) fight night, but H had already said he would go with me to the barbeque before he found out. I am sure that is what made him so snappy all day, thinking "oh great, I have to spend the evening with all these snobby lawyers when I could be at fight night". We ended up pretty ticked at each other because he was just picking at any little thing. Finally I said, if you don't want to go, just say so. But it was like he reluctantly capilulated and we went (still strained and you could cut the air). But we eased off by the time we got there (a 30 minute drive) and actually had a pretty good time. They are a SUPER bunch of people and not your usual lawyer crowd. Even H said (numerous times) he had a "really good" evening and "looked forward" to getting together with some of them again. It was at the house of the lawyer I work with (amazing place) and she was bragging me up (saying I was the best paralegal in the firm, my work was exceptional, how lucky they were to have me on board etc.) - sheesh it's amazing I could get my head through the doorway by the time she was finished - lol

Nothing like a little ego boost to bring you out of the doldrums though.

H was supposed to get his blood test results back tomorrow but has to go for another appointment that couldn't be changed and had to take precedent. So now it is put off until the 16th - Every day is like torture.

ST wanted us to do two sessions of sensate focusing this week and I have left it up to H to decide when, he said he wanted to be a little more "spontaneous" so I left it at that and nothing has happened (am I surprisd? NO!!) so, we will have to give him a little reminder, since it is my homework too. However, in all due fairness, it was been EXTREMELY hot the last 10 days and the thought of anyone touching me is not pleasant. I am sure he feels the same way (guess its time to think about getting some air conditioning installed - lol)

To end off, I heard a new saying that has stuck with me:

"the most beautiful future will always depend on the need for forgetting the past. You must overcome the errors of the past and all that hurt you"

I have to work on that one